| still at home volume 2 part 2 - 1959 june-december | work & days: a lifetime journal project |
June 30th, 1959 Green Bedroom La Glace 10:30 P.M. Dear Journal, You are the fifth member of my Journalistic family, in fact, my very first journal, with that funny picture on the front of it is your great, great grandfather! Oh, that first one was so sticky-sentimental. And your great grandfather was still romanticly enclined, but not guey. Grandfather Journal was by far the most adventuresome and daring - he covered that exiting expanse of months down South. Your father is commonplace, a bit dull, but thoughtful, and developing into cynicalness? What sort you will be, is going to be read from these pages later Maybe there will be a few gay pages filled when and if I go to Edmonton. I do hope so! Today was my last day in grade eight. I am going to miss my second peachiest teacher, IJ Christianson. The last two years with her were nice years in many ways that are a part of me now. I passed, but not with honours! Those weak spots of mine - Math and Language, dragged me down, My whole final average is a mere, very mere 86%. Bother! Next year is a challenge - I'm going to try desperately for Honours - oh I hope I make it - and vaugely, now, there is the thought of the Governor Generals Medal in the back of my mind - oh if I could only get it! That would be loverly ..... Mr. Dyck, I actually like, in a way. He is going to teach us French so I'm glad glad glad! I think thatll be a high spot - Mr. Mann will be a part time teacher I think. Hes just plain peachy! I'm going to have a battle about letting my dislike for Mrs Fast, if she teaches a few subjects, give me a tendency for weakness on that point. So now I have, first the holidays, and then grade nine before me. Onward!!!! July 1st, 3 minutes to 6 P.M. Kitchen table DJ! My first day in the holidays was started with a bang! The kids - Judy, Paul and I, went down to the creek this morning with our lunch. I'm think of havin a bash down by the creek, and sleeping in the top of the barn. I double checked the loft, and found it jus' perr-fect for a sleepy time ball. Then we started rooting around, building a raft - at about two we ate, lying flat in the sun, me in my bra like a halter. Ni-i-ice and warm-m-m-m and sleepyyy The water from the old pump was cold and clear like it was supposed to be. After our dinner, ther was a lot of poundin goin' on while Pauly dug nails out of the old dog house, and I used them to nail on the boards. Bang! Wham-o! Our raft, well .... its like a raft I guess. There are two bottom poles with slats underneath it at intervals, and a solid floor of boards. At the back there is a trap door sort of thing, that keeps coming open when it shouldn't, but we say its a novelty, and therefore very wonderful. Some of the boards have blue stripes on them and some stick out at angles, but its a pretty snazzy raft all right. We're going to break a coke bottle over her tomorrow, to christen her the "C.Worthy" altho' maybe we should add, in brackeets like this: (not very) We slid her into the water, then one side got caught on a lump of dirt. I steped into the water, (bare feet to push her off) And then - splashes! I slid in up to my waist. Somebody hauled me out, somebody yelled "there she goes!" and Judy, unthinking, and in her clothes still, jumped in after it, in water up to her ribs. What a laugh - ! So then I took her on her maiden voyage and had no end of difficulties in steering her, both of us being very inexperianced. But I got her to that little cove near the barn. And there shes resting now after taking Judy and Paul for a haphazard journey too. I fooled around in the water, because I figured I couldn't get any wetter than I was anyway. My jeans were slightly damp after I came in from swimming ..! (!!!! ....) What a crazy, delightful, way to start a crazy delightful holiday. P.S. About 11:30 P.M. Bed Just came back from Convention, (at the Pentacostal Church) - Music was good. Chatted around with Bernice. Say, don't ever, ever, tell anyone but I'd love to be Lloyds girl ........................... No kidding - he got the smoo-oo-oothest manners, the dreamiest voice, the facinatinget face, and is loaded with talent and just plain niceness. So cute ... ...... You know, the curly-hair-and-big-eyes type. And I wasn't going to fall in love Oh well, I'm not yet and I wont let myself. Period. July 5 Went swimming in the creek. July 7, Tuesday - Bedroom 1:30 PM, Almost Yesterday, I spent a most sadisfacory day. Y'see, we went for a day's jaunt to Peoria, where Daddy was a kid. We visited around, and looked up old friends of Pops and Grandpas. A nice thing was, that Daddy never got mad once. Imagine!!!! We stopped in at Glieges to tell them we'de be over for supper, and then had a little chat with Elsie (16) who was going into the hospital that afternoon too. D'no what for. Then we lit out again, and had a great time following roads. There was a delightfully deep and wind-y dirt road that we followed all the way to the smoky river where we looked around a bit. Daddy went to Hieswicks store then (Peorias only one) and we watched the monkey shines of a couple of teens with great enjoyment. Really a laugh! Then, after looking up Daddys old farm place, and finding some of his old boots and stuff, we went for supper. And then - and then - pretty soon Arnold came! Now Arnold ... - is pretty good lookin' an' facinating and all that! Such a nice shape Wide wide shoulders under his leather jacket nice neat little backend under those slim jeans Just nicely tall and lean and masculine. A lean brown face. for once I don't know what color his eys were because whenever I looked at him I had to look away quickly because he was looking at me. Boy, what a fix! I think they were blue tho' ....... An' his hair was curly-blond and he was jes' plan cute. Period! Man! Just a row of exclamation marks! But shy, I never said one word to him the whole evening, would you believe it? I did snap my teatowel at him once but I doubt if he even noticed ... and I smiled at him once or twice in an indirect sort of way. I like him. I'd like to be a pal of his. It seems he has some speech difficulty, and whenever I hear his voice, I become surprised because it doesn't suit him at all. Don't know just what it is Mom says that that's what makes him shy. Could be! Still, hes too cute to go to waste! Oh, his name is Arnold and hes 18. Nice age to be. Y'know, I used to think 18 was just mountains older'n'me but now - well after Joe and Butch (who was 21, Imagine!) I seem to be revising my ideas. After all its only 4 years difference, and that's not much at all ........ Hey, don't think I'm changing my mind about love! Cause I'd just dreadfully like to be friends with Arnold but I'd just dreadfully like to know that petite sweet pony-tailed miss too! Ah such is life. You know, there is that attraction tho' But I guess I can keep things on a "friends" basis. At least I hope I can. Not that I'll have much chance for even that, prob'ly. "Only friends" all my life. maybe good "friends" That's my motto! July 8th in bed with lamplight late (quite!) D.J. ..... This morning, I went along with Pop to L.G. for the express purpose of getting the mail ... Mrs Blask handed it out to me through a little blue door ... Ah, Family Herald, Good News Broadcaster, there it was! A plain white envelope, just a typed adress and a postmark .... but I knew! This was it! It had to be - because it just looked like it! And it was. Boy .... I opened it with great literal "fear and trembling .... It said: 3rd July, 1959 "Dear Mrs Epp: Thank you very much for your letter of June 29th." Thank you, Doc, for your letter of the 3rd! "I have booked a bed for Elfreda for July 6th, at the University Hospital." You did, Doc?! But the sixth of July was two days ago! "Because of the bed situation, I would suggest that you check with the Admitting Office at the University Hospital by telephone the morning of the sixth, before you come in, to make sure the bed is available." On the morning of the sixth, I was cruising around Peoria, Doc! "Looking forward to seeing you," Hey, no more than I'm looking forward to seeing you! "Yours sincerely, [squiggle] (Can you get O. Rostrup outa' that?!) Olav Rostrup, M.D. That's how it was ....And I was to exited to be exited about its being gone. Because, it'll be soon! Oh joy!!! I'm all clicking castanets inside, if you know what I mean ...... Already I'm making lists, n' plans, and patching things .... An' if Daddy can't go when the Doc says, next time we get a letter from O.R. (how fitting = Olav Rostrup + Operating Room ....!) why, maybe I go by bus. All by my little lone too! Man oh man ... Hot Doggy! Already hazy visions of myself in the latest Paris suit, hair glamourously tinted .... in gleaming heels and elbow gloves .... alighting gracefully and collecting my new luggage, then - blue-shadowed eyelids drooping, and with a remote, urban, sauveness, getting into a taxicoach and being wisked grandly away by a handome driver who exists only in a form of coma during the drive, due to my exotic beauty and ravishing charm. A word from me, would naturally knock him out completely, so I remain in a Queenly quiet such as befits a monarch indeed! Oh, I can't wait! Time, hurry, hurry, hurry! Mom is sending that letter tomorrow, Thursday, so it ought to be delivered sometime Friday, answered Saterday. And perhaps arrive next Tuesday? Or maybe Thursday ..... Oh, oh, oh! Exitedly Waiting, Elli! July 20 Sewed a sheath today - brown with pink flowers on it - slimming I think. July 22nd As usually, late in bed, and on Wed. DJ - O-o-o-o that letter! O.R. hasn't written yet and its 2 weeks since we wrote him - I'm all tense-like and my heart goes "bumpety-bump" every mailday. And I look over the mail with fear and trembling - but now I'm getting less exited and sorta' morose and un-hopeful. Won't it ever come? Guess not. Thats how I feel. Like biting Mrs Blask. It could relieve tensions ..... I can just hear her yelp! Hey, what "vain imagining" .... Vanity of vanities, all is vanity sayeth the preacher glunk! Thats how I feel, in case this means or says or explains anything Item 1. Say, I've noticed. Mosquitoes hum on different pitches and notes and cords. When the right ones get togeather they harmonize Item 2. Made myself a sheath and blouse - deffinately with help. Very slimming?? I like them, frankly. Item 3. Am reading David Copperfield again and enjoy it more this time. Characters don't seem quite so stupid. Almost one sixth thru. Its awfully long. Item 4. A-hem! Hay-seed speakin' - "My pun'kins is getting' bigger'n'bigger. Orter be a big crop if the weather, shes good. Look lake rain?" Item 5. Don't you think that if anyone older or saner than I read my item theyed say "oh her? What a dodo! Batty. Nuts. Moron. Idiot. Stupid. Bumpkin (Pumpkin?) Period. Daffily yours, Elli Time - 10 o'clock, P.M. on a Midsummer's eve. Place - Firstly on the side yard grass, secondly kitchen table. Scene- Before and after chasing pigs - unromantic creatures. Act One - Discription of a sunset - There is a cloud, a large cloud, I think it looks like a world of little continents and islands - By the way, if I ever did invent a world, it would have just scads of islands on it! Anyway this cloud - (how awful and commonplace that phrase sounds!) it was a silvery blue-grey, shading into purple. The edges, or coastline were a very bright pretty orange-rose contrasting and complementing the darkness of the grey like an interior decorator's dream. There were dashing, cunning [?] little flamingo colored islands, a large bright peninsula was stark cherise [?]. (what an altogeather lovely word) The background seas and lakes were delicately pink, waves were feathery tipped with lighter peach colors. The islands, that faded into a more distant, mauvve ocean, were washed over by a spreading, sandy, creamy wave ....... A sort of dream land I guess. Notice - not so "guey-poetical" anymore. Have decided poetry is more in simple strong words anyway. Glunk. On an impulse I decided to look at a Sunset for once. I don't very often but I thought that someday I might wish I had seen more. So I did. Just to be like I usually am - in short - (Macawber, Copperfield - Dickens) Nutty, I hitched up my dress so it was suposed to represent a tunic, or toga, or something .... struck a pose, like maybe a Roman Soldier and after that I was a Shepard. Still. No. LETTER. Nuts! Elli July 25 1:30 P.M. Saterday Afternoon - Usual - in bed Dear Journal, Hey, 'member all the ravings I did, a few pages back, ovver Arnold Glige? Whall lll ... I was dozing in bed real late this morning, an "Hey, Gliges are hear!" i heard Mom say. M-m-m. So I hopped out of bed fast while Judy watched me, prob'ly thinking i was an A-1 Moron. Well, maybe i am. I stuck my head around the corner and said, "Hey Paul, is Arnold here?" "Yah" he said. But I closed the door, did a little jig in my bare feet, then pawed frantically thru' my closet for someth' to wear - Somethin glamourouse ... or frilly .. or feminine .... of course. But nat'rully I don't own such a creation.. Ah-h-h Arnold .... Still the big taperd hunk of adorable muscle that i remembered him to be. Still tanned and lean ..... blond and blue eyed ........ a cute little adms apple, a likewise cute little grin .......... wearing somekind of slim pants, a hula shirt and a bright red jacket (his shoulders are so-o-o-o wide!) ...... and so intensely, dreamily, MALE!!! And, oh-h-h, thats not all! Hes a rarity - a gentleman! I was supposed to get some water from the porch ... - He was sitting in the kitchen - ..... The pale was big, and I just somehow couldn't see to manage ... So I just looked at it. And then - and then - and then - along came Arnold, lifted the pail compitently and pored it in for me. Meanwhile I stood by, feeling very little, and helpless, and feminine I suppose he felt rather big and strong and masculine which made me feel like a femmé fatale? (whatever that is but I think a femmé fatale is a very fluffy lady - like a man-slayer!)!! Nicht var? So - a dreamy, masculine, gentlemanly, 18 year old boy. I say, WOW! Hes a lady-killer! Elsie, his siser, is of no great importance. Dull. Period. Last nite was rather different - I wore my sheath, felt femminin, and went to the D.V.B.S. [Daily Vacation Bible School] program. We were waiting for it to start when - ! In walks - Al Morrison - looking intensely embarressed. By the way, he has quite a way of looking embarressed doesn't he?! He sat down very gingerly. I leaned over and asked him if Adrienne was there. He said no. Period. Well after the program, thru which I had been continually trying to pull my skirt down over my knees, and in which Henry Schmidt Esquire, officiated very pompously, I went up to see the stuff and then after that, went down. Al was standing by the door I was just scratching around for the nerve to go over and talk to him when he called me over. "Hey Elfreda, come here." so I went. "What've you been doing with yourself lately?" that was a sort of starter I guess. He musta' been lonely. Found out he was workin for Sheans in the summer hols. And saving to buy a car. "I have to get my lisence, first tho'" he said. "You'll be sixteen in October, won't you?" sez I. "Yeah." The reason, I know," added I, hurriedly, "is because Adrienne and Veras birthdays are in the same month." That was some what of a fib, because the real, reason is that I have it written down in one of my old jurnals as a V.I.P. day, indeed! But I couldn't very well tell him that! So I talked to the ex-romeo of La Glace until I went out with Edith and Verna. I think he's a poor mixed up kid. I really do. He dresses so flashily, acts so crazily, etc. for the simple reason of a lack somewhere in his life. So I feel sorry for him. Oh yeah, I went home and dreamt he asked me for a date, and we went to half a Young peoples meeting, and it was very nice. So was he. What a crazy dream. How unlikely! July 30 Rode binder for cutting brome grass. August 2 Picked raspberries and went to see the mamoth beaver dam. August the Twelfth After Supper, in the trailor, and just before devotions .... I've been reading "Through Gates of Spledour" and "Shadow of the Almighty". Then, after that, I read over some of these last pages. They were written by such a Giddy self! And Betty Elliot's book about her husband is very touching. Jim Elliot was so intensely rooted in his God, that nothing else seemed to matter, ever. There seems to be such a great contrast between him and me. He gave up so much for his Lord, that the few things I'm trying to give up for my Lord seem very, very, easy, insignificent in comparison ....What am I giving up? a few so-small things: a few ideas and ideals, maybe a few friends, - But, so what? After all, what are they besides Christ? I cannot honestly say that I want to go to the degree of devotion that Jim Elliot went [missionary killed by South American Indians], but perhaps someday Christ will give me the real desire for him .... After all, isn't He God? So he can change me .... He has been changing me, even this summer - when I return to grade nine I won't be quite the same. My pals may sense a small change. I wish it was greater. At least I wish that I honestly wished it was greater. My friends - they may someday read this, so dare I be completely honest? - they need Christ very deffinately. I am concerned, but what am I doing about it? Nothing. I'm ashamed of myself. oh, I hope its more next year ..... And to God be the glory. I think that letter will come now, soon. I have a haunch - I think it was a Divine Purpose for me to stay for Mr Teelmans meetings and to read these books. I think I'm ready now, so it will come soon. Strangely, I have more faith after this thought. When I'm in the hospital, I want - I really want to make my stay Count, for everyone else there and for Christ. Amen. August 18 Sawed wood all day - then read the bloody "Hash Knife Outfit" by Zane Grey far into the night. August 19 Sawed more wood, loaded fire wood, unloaded, worked hawd fo a lowng thame! August 20 Mom Pop'n'J went to town and ordered our bike plus black swede shoes for Judy and I. August 21 Cut my hair and curled it - sorta cute in a way. All-over-curly. August 23 Sun - first appearance of my new hair style - Mrs J said it was beautiful for me. August 24 Shovelled fescue and read some "Modern Literature for Schools" Augst 25 Drove along to Hythe with Daddy so I could escape from ironing natch. August 28 Got a perm - rather a Quick in my hair and its a little frizzy. September 5 Saterdays are always so boring. Just usual exept that I drove the big tractor to the field. September 7 Tried my hand at stooking but I flopped. So J and I dug potatoes instead. September Thirteenth - Sunday - Its been one of those perfectly golden days - until now. Oh Im in a frenzy 'cause I can't find my pen anywhere and ohwhatwillIdowithoutit?! Anyway - lets forget about it a while, We just got back from Jantzens (H) We cased around outside playing kick-the-can for a long while. It got darker - so - I ran right into a barb wire fence because I couldn't see it. So I gashed my wrist open for about 1 _ inches. It bled a little but really not badly. So I just went back to sit down under the trees. Phil was under a bush or something near by, hiding. I was the only one who knew where he was too, so I kept mum exept for - just too be crazy we wistled - "whooo -whoo!" just as a means of communication. Nobody even heard us. So a little later he rambled out - gavve up, and walked straight for - me! Oh, and he sat down beside me - close, so I could feel him. Really, moon, I don't mind him so terribly any more - hes not so gauncy [?] for one thing, and he dresses very nicely, and he's easy to kid, and he can drive that beautiful blue blue, chevy. Four points in his favour. And oh yes - one gentlemanly chivalrous deed - he helped my thru the fence by holding down the wire for me - how nice. Phil-(ip) is very teezable. (squeezble - oh no!) I call him "Cold" which name dates back to a little joke that wasn't even very funny when you think about it - Edith and I were in car - Phil came in - said "I'm cold. I said "You are? I'm Epp. Pleased to meet you" ha ha ho ho hee hee hee Glunk. As a sideline remark - the reason I like Phil better now is because he is one of those few boys who treat me as tho'I was what I am - a girl - See what I mean? V'standen? si-si. By the way - my heart is - at the moment already rather buzy. I could fall in love as easily as I could fall off a log. As it is, I'm in a state of suspension over the earth every time I ride in the buss. The necessary male in this typical 14-year-old picture, is of course, Lloyd Alstad. Not only is he the most talent guy in the school, but also the politest, nicest, friendliest, utterly adorablest, sweetest, and if I'm not wrong, the cutest .... Oh that curly bond hair - mmm and he wears that black leather jacket that I'd like to lean my cheak against and oh - gasp gasp, oh those big big flashing blue eyes. And those perfectly white teeth and that loverly grin ..... and that dreamy voice. Like out of a story book - I can't see why that boy isn't absolutely mobbed with "La-Glace and outlying districts" females. Still, he not. For which I am thankful. This afternoon, I rode June out to the bridge where I tied her up in the clover patch. We kids went off on a wild wild chase around. We built a little bridge. Then when we were tired we stripped down and had a sleep with our noses in the clover patch. It was dreamy - blue sky with a filigree of gold poplar leaves against it, a drowsy warm sun and bees buzzing around. And Junes contented "munch plop, chawww, crunch, plop." I was going to write some thing about it but this was all I could manage - "September Song"
Thus far. Amen. Ellie P.S. Phil, while we sat there under the trees remarked on the moon "Its good enough isn't it?"
September 18 Am bored. We're threshing. September 24 Mom and Dad got a patent leather belt and the bike - a beautiful blue and gold thing September 27th Dear Journal, Today was like a lot of Sundays - The church part was necessarily gruesome. Even tho the messages (Mr. Cook) were quite good, You'll understand why, I think. during Mr. Sawatsky's sermon, (German and ----) I half closed my eyes and wrote a mental letter. - "Dear Eric, Ive never seen you but I do know you. You know me too, but we've never met. Youre 5 feet eleven, with sort of wide shoulders and real narrow hips, you've got dreamy brown eyes, and your hair is short and crisp and curly and black. You're very sweet and you're not like Kenneth Dredgar, laughing all the time about nothing. You have a sense of humor, you're often dreamy and serious, but still, you can be gay ...... Someday we'll meet, and somewhere in the very hazy future, I can see us traveling together. Maybe an adventurous missionary life .." And that's where this extremely unprosiac note faded out. Like usual with E & V [Esther and Verna], I feel like I have one foot securely in the social grave and the other on a quite unreliable bannana peeling. Oh well, they aren't everyone. After service was a complete reverse of the morning. I was in my one pair of slacks and that turquoise sweater that's inclined to be too tight and a goldy necklace. Like usually, my hair looked like I hadn't combed it for two full weeks. Well Adrienne and I rode around on the bikes fr'awile. Then went in again. Al was in evidence. I talked more to him than to Adrienne inside. I kidded him about being student union Pres. He said "I hope you didn't vote for me" but - ha - I did. My hand was up real high. Well later, it got dark and I thought I'd stay a while later and drive home in the dark - after all, don't I just love driving in the dark? I sure do. it seemed that they were driving along the road themselves to see somebody. So they decided that I'd go long with them to the corner and drive the rest of them. While Sam started the truck, al crawled on and I raced off to get the bike. Al came behind, and wonder of wonders - offered to take it out to the truck for me so I said thank you and crawled in too. It was like this - truck seat [diagram]. Not too much room for poor Al - 'bout half a foot - he said he didn't need any more than that. so he crawled in and quite close - He was wearing his leather jacket and blue jeans - much nicer than his flashy crazy outfit besides you know how I dote on leather jackets and blue jeans. Well, because of the squeeze, things were rather nice. He - well, it was like that story - that altogether idiotic story I wrote about me and somebody sitting down by the gate - he was nice and warm Really, I began to think he is quite sweet. Like Mr Dyck, hes two people. one is rather unpleasant, because of phycological lacks, but the other is alltogeather loveable. True enough? I asked him (this was before) what he was gonna do when he grew up - he fooled around with "rocket scientist" for a while, then I guess he got convinced that I was interested he told me "a lawyer, or a policeman. If I get to be six feet I'll be a policeman, if I don't I'll be a lawyer." His father was a Scotch 6'2". His mother is English, and he is a stocky, surprisingly muscular 5'7 _" (so he says). He doesn't really look so tall - not half bad, either.. At the top of the hill, he, - (male and masculine as he, a-hem, is) got out my bike for me and said something rather jumbled - what I got was this "--- would take you all the way home if ---- wasn't so darn tight." "Seee you" The ride home down the hill was dark and crisp and very swift --- A really tingling way to end a nice honestly nice evening. dreamily - ahem - yours Ellie P.S. O.N.G.C? [of no great consequence] Al, just before we started home was humming "I'm gonna walk you home" what a co-incidence! (?) I wish he would have but don't tell anyone I said so. It'd be very nice because Id get to know him better. Pal-wise, natch. October 3 Pulled quack [grass] roots and guarded the grass fire which was great! October 7 Snowed today. Sunday, October 11th. Horrors! Oh, its just awful ...... This is sorta' shocking and everything - kinda gruesome and it gives me the funniest throbby, hot feeling. This is just like my Sunday afternoon, kids playing in the living room, me reading .... And then, well, mom and dad "resting" in the bedroom. The door was open a crack and I just happened to glance at it. Then - whom! - I was just paralised and my eyes were stuck to that crack like as if there was chewing gum on it (that's a weird similie but I was tired of similes like "glued" and "riveted") There was a big hump under the pink blanket and - glug - it was going up and down and up and down and up and down ..... Well, I'm not so naive that I didn't know what that was! .... Sex - instead of being kinda' passionate, and desperate like - the way its supposed to be - there it was - Daddys shirt sleeves stickin' out, and moms grey sweater showing underneath and pop pumping up and down furiously - this, why this was bordering on the grotesque! Again I say, horrors! Glunk Life in general is great, - even though its snoy and everything French is my rave-subject, natcherly. With Current Events fairly close behind. What do I really think of Mr. Dyck? Franky, I'm not sure myself - but he's a subject I like talking about. He is really two people - one is the Science teaching, hot tempered, sarcastic, man with a stern face and hard eyes. The other is the man who teaches French and P.T. and literature - this is the man with the wide grin, the merry retort and a sort of kindredship. This half of him is truly a nice person. If only he was always this nice sort, but the other half of him seems to pop up so often. These two selves seem to counteract each other and leave me still confused about what to think of him. Taking into consideration his background, its not at all hard to see why he's "that" way. Hes come an awfully long way and I guess we should appreciate the way he's risin above his background more. because he has come an awfully long ways and we can't really blame his other selve to much for being irritable sometimes. Except for this, he'd be a - (don't tell anyone I said so, I get teezed enough about Peter patters) - DEAR! But that other person is there, so - ? Hes even different looking from most people. I've noticed, hes got a good figure for a man, wide shoulders tapering down to a narrow derrière. But his face is, to put it mildly, different. His hairs O.K., I like the color and it has just enough curl, but the funny thing is his hairline - it comes down to a point - like a valentine! Or a mickey mouse club hat! And hes got an angular bony face with lines running down it. I don't know what color his eyes are. Don't much care. So - that's our teacher, in shreds ....! Talking about someone slightly more loveable - theres Reid Maxwell - o-o-o-o - that's the way we feel about him, in a nutshell. Hes real short, somethin' like Mr. X#2, and he wears a navy blue nylon jacket and hes a doll. Black hair long enough to be hep, a grin that gives me warm little tickles in the region near my heart, a bashful way, and eyes that are always looking at someone, occasionally me, out of their corners .... Now thats plenty of reason for a floppy heart these days! Love, Ellie! P.S. I'm gonna work at getting him to smile at me. Hes goin' steady with some Sexsmith gal but that's O.N.G.C. And I hope it won't last long! P.S. Forget all those nice things I said about Al, he's acting like a nitwit again. In fact he's only nice when you get him by himself - and that's no ly! October 13 Mr Dyck liked my Lit essay! I still like him. sometimes. October 17 Samedi - research for Inca-Maya-Aztec essay. Drove tractor while tilling - wonderful time to think bout things. October 19 Monday - about 6-7 inches of snow. October 22 Sent for a pair of black tights, a black cardigan, and black boots a while ago. October 25 Am I unsociable? I think so ..., sometimes, about some people ..... The "people from our house" are all away - I'm home by myself, my cat, my book, and the radio. And this is just where I want to be right now. The rest are at Janzens - see why I want to stay home? Mom says "What will it look like?" in such a scandalized tone. I say - just tell her my hair is too awful and I have to write an essay ..... Y'see, Edith and I and Verna - especially Verna, don't get along at all. Edith may be a fairly nice kid basically but we seem to have nothing in common ... And Verna seems so petty and inconsiderate. I know her better than school kids - and she has got a condescending, cruel, outlook, sometimes. We don't fight we don't insult - but we know that we have nothing in common and those little things are so annoying! As far as I know, their main vvice is childishness and a silly manner and that's not grounds for fights ... So I just avoid them. One confession - those little snubs do hurt me, but Id never let them see it. So - I'm antisocial! Pleasanter topics - 1) Got a "beauqet" or Bowkay, however you spell it, from Mr. Mann and a stingy little one from Mr. Dyck. I may not be beautiful or cute or charming or exotic or brilliant or anything but I am going to try to do something. And Ive got something on my mind - y'know honors, but will I? Id love to - It would be something half big...... [Wrongly dated] Right now - on this day, October 15th, a Sunday ... I am fourteen years eight months and nineteen days old - Ive got a long time to live, I hope. And there are a lot of things to do - interesting, adventurous things - may I never loose my lust for romance and that little bit of adventure! But age does a lot of strange things to people. Still ... If I can be interested things will be interesting always. At least they should be. I found that out on the trip - oh, I did have a glorious time. And its almost a year ago. If I can, I'm asking Jan over for a special Aniversary on November 23rd ... Last year when I was thirteen . In a land of "gold fruit on green trees" ... And when I met a very special someone and realized that I was, after all, a girl, and that brown eyes with sun in them could be - oh! - so heart tangling! And that dashing Reid! He's still as utterly unapproachable as ever - y'know how it is - and natcherly im as utterly unapproachive - bother. Well I can always be a doll in my dreams - real enchanting like - don't take this seriously. I must be forgetting that Im not writing a melodramatic novel - or some "beautiful, touching, strong" etc "Diary of a Young Girl"! What reading it would make if I was! Whee -ee!!! By the way, Im in love with my cat - who is male and utterly adorable even tho I have seen cuter ones. This is a ladies man - I call him "Baiser" - meaning "a kiss" - and pronounced "Beezay" Au revoir! Ellie ..... October 26 Ma'n'Pa were in town - we had to do chores. Mom bought me a Thesaurus! October 30th Last nite was a ball of sorts - But a very unique experience! Baby sitting at Mackeenan-Morrisons with Mom, (Dad came for company) there were three kids, little Randy and the twins ... Vera's wedding was the festive occasion. Adrienne had a pink, very fluffy dress, high heels, a little head thing a ma jig, and a bow-kay. It was fairly nice. Ilene was real dollish in a yellow dress that went over big with me. And Vera - a walse length white gown with a ballero - cute veil ..... The house was in a mild uproar when we arrived. Somebody was strummin' and the rest were gently stomping around. Adrienne was walsing with her brother in law ..... (Adrienne told me that she was a Christian, but that kid is having a terribly tough time and no kidding) She hardly said a word to me all evening. Bernices theory was that she was a bit ashamed of herself, and was having a few conscience tweaks. Al was pretty gay ..... he said hi to me the way he always does - enthusiastic like. He was certainly not bashful he never is, it seems. I got an unobtrusive little seat and watched with Rudy ... His Honorable Highness was spinning Ilene, then after a little she disappeared. I was staring into space ..... And then, and then - no its no climax: he sorta grabbed my wrist and said "Comeon'n dance!" Dud as I am, I said "no thanks" goofy thing to say, not that it matters. If I had, I'd hate myself now - I'm glad I did say no, because if I hadn't - bango! My testimony down the drain If only Y'know, more than anything he needs Christ! ... Well anyway, then he said "sorry" and sat down beside me! It was kinda funny how he said "sorry" to me whenever he swore lightly - it made me feel like a stick-in-the-mud wet blanket but still Im glad, because it means I've sort'a identified myself as a Christian ... Which is good ... And an unpleasant part was - ugh! It seems the groom had to kiss everybody of the feminine gender - (George is very repulsive to me, blond hair slicked down flatish, glasses, tall like, crazy acting) So he decide to kiss me. Well I wanted to be a sport, but I clenched my fists and closed my eyes tight when I decide that this was it - glunk. Wet like, I wiped it off as soon as he wasn't looking - romantic amen't I (something I did later - glunk was really terrible - but I won't even talk about it) The best man was a wolfish, but not too bad lookin' guy drank to much from the fat glass bottle being passed around) Al had a little conversation with me too - told me about the western he saw the other night. And somehow, we got on another topic - "y'know" he said, "I think you're about the only one who really likes Mr. Dyck " then I said somethin' I can't remember and started something about that I didn't think he was really grown up. Al said something I agree with 100% - "no grown ups are really grown up" I sez "some of my relatives are awfully childish" He lowered his voice and shielded his mouth with his hand like as if he was telling me a secret ..... "All of my relatives are" and later asked me if I didn't think Della should comb her hair. His family does really mortify him .... Just a little side note - he told Mom he was 18, and bought his suit jacket in size 40 (incidentally, the same as Jayne Mansfield's) and then he had to switch buttons over! After a while they left, and I went upstairs to nap on Adrienne's bed after eatin' an apple. Wrote Jan a letter first. My curiosity just got the best of me, so I peaked into Al's room - it was neater than any other room in the whole house ..... a bed, a dresser, a really empty closet, bare windows, bare floors, a table ... all pretty well spotless. There was every single piece of his grade 8 art on the wall, and pictures of hunting, cowboys, and 'planes. His gun was put up, together with track and fair ribbons. Everything was precise, except for his boots, pants, and underwear lying where he stepped out of them. (underwear was clean!) glunk - what a remark .... I thought it was sorta' funny. I read one of Adrienne's T.V. magazines, and my daily chapter from her bible, and wrote that ideal boy trait list, kicked off my shoes, turned off the light, and just lay there, thinking about how funny this all was. At 12 (5 to) I went downstairs to look for something to eat, but I didn't find anything so I went right back to sleep upstairs - so I dozed off thinkin about all sorts of unlikely things which are too silly to mention - (just a hint - they were along the sleeping beauty line!!) All of a sudden the lights flashed through the windows and they were home! Mom came up to wake me, phooey! Downstairs I looked around - blinking like a hibernating toad - for a clock 4 A.M.! Not bad at all! Al told me who-all was there, I had some weddin' cake, slipped some into my pocket to dream on talked just a little to Adrienne - funny thing was - she hardly said three words to me all evening! (Bern attributes it to conscience, or did I say that before?) Finally went, fell into bed without curling my hair or saying my prayers. An eventure? Or merely a night to remember?! Sunday - Nov. 1st ........ Yesterday something happened which was a gentle sort of a tragedy. Our black horse - June, who was so slow but so lovable the horse Ive curried and combed and ridden and loved in a way. I remember the last time I rode her - it was that beautiful day that was just a scrap of summer, when June and I rode down to the creek together. I tied her to a post, and listened to her munching clover while I lay in it with my eyes closed, just soakin in sunshine, and the bees were buzzingly making a wonderful back ground musical effect. The sky was very blue against the intense yellow of the poplar leaves . And after a while I rode her home, a thrilling bumpy ride because she trotted all the way. - It was a glorious afternoon - one to be remembered because now June is gone ... Ignoring the years and years of faithful service - to put it prosily, the Big Brute Daddy has shipped her off to a glue factory or someplace as horrorsome - just because shes broken out a few times to visit the neighbouring horse friends. We've had her ever since I can remember, pulling sleighs, hay wagons, rounding up cattle, roaming the pasture with Queen, submitting to caresses in the barn - you'd think she'd have enough sentimental value to be kept until she dies in her good old age - but oh no just because she wanted a little horse companionship - yesterday morning Pop loaded the unsuspecting horsy onto the truck, she didn't want to go - And Queen slipped out of the corral and ran in distracted, frantic circles around the truck . I was watching from the window and feeling awful, I have to admit I cried - and not to quietly either ! Its a shame! After all shes done - shes worked until shes really old for her age - shes been so nice - I thought of her as a friend, I still do, even tho' I'm old enough to know better by now ..... So he sold her for 65 dollars - a lifetime of loving service for 65 dollars
- It reminds me of the thirty pieces of silver ........ Another foot note on the Al situation - stopped by to pick Adrienne up on my way to the Penecostal Church to see Palastine movies (which were fascinating) Was going to wait for Adrienne by the door, but Al came out and persuaded me to come in. he was wearing blue jeans a a light-bluish shirt - and looked like himself and acted like his - sigh - self. He should always wear blue jeans or dinner jackets & that's a fact - one thing I noticed - he tries and tries to impress me on the fact that he is so-o-o un religious! I wonder why - for instance, I know that he hardly ever smokes, but just because I was there he had to show me - Maybe it's a good sign - but I do wish he wasn't so Anti-Christian. Still if I keep prayin' and God takes a hand in things, things will happen! So I have to keep up my front of it as well as I can ..... November 12 Were late cause the engine wouldn't go cause its freezin cold November 20 I've got a sort of female lead in our X-mas play. Report card - an F for neatness. Novemeber 21 Straight H report card - Mr Dyck said "extremely pleasant to work with" November 22nd, Dear Journal, does that date mean anything to you? It should To me it means
Something I wrote last February to remember November 22nd, 1958 - a great day And it means a lot more than that - It means the day I met Gary ..... A day of wonderful Arizona sunshine a day of seeing and [?] and experiencing. And I remember Mesa .... a wonderfull town ... I remember those tree lined trees with dates and oranges falling onto the sidewalk ... the troops of tall tall palm trees ... the white irrigation ditches full of water for the desert ... the sound of a train wistle very early in the morning ... A walk along the [?] eagerly watching people ... The fruit [?] the road, with its heaping sidewalk stand beside bushels of grapefruit and oranges ... Those wonderful magical, green trees that were loaded down with - oranges ... The boxes of ripe golden brown dates ... The lawns covered with roses ... the enchanted temple garden with the white marble temple in the center ... the sound of the fountains ... the smell of rosemary and sage ... the feeling of being sunk way into the blue blue depths of the central pool ... the firey poinsettas flaming against the wall ... the dizzy happiness ... the laughter ... the warm sun soaking you, saturating you ... and the desolate feeling, the strange sobbing deep inside of you ... The ponies in the park ... the calendars of ancient civilization ... the wierd, wonderful, cactus ... This is how I remember Mesa ... And I remember our trailor park ... First of all, I remember the white graveled lane stretching deeply, like a cat, between those wide green trees and through the lawns ... with the long long trailors blinking at us under an unclouded sky the sound of swings clanging beside our trailor, and children playing in the sandbox ... the little Mexican in red red shirts some [?] merrygoround that was under orange trees ... the [?] neighbours - red haired Bob senior and the old man next door ... the little birthday party a few "houses" down ... a tarantula in a bottle ... the glow of lights around the bath house @ nights ... lying on a blanket outside doing a bit of half hearted studying ... swinging sign "Bond's B Trailor Court" ... This was the trailor court ... And more than anything, almost, I remember Gary ... I can see him as I saw him first, only a dark outline beside the fence ... It is a bit funny - y'see, when I saw him first I was hanging upside down from a cross bar ... head down! Queer ... I can see him standing shyly by the swings looking @ me, neither of us with enough nerve to say anything .... I see him walking over with Bobby, still shy but happy not to have to do the talking himself ..... I see him hanging from the swing bar, a stretch of elastic tummy showing ... I see him in a clean tee-shirt on Sunday morning looking just a little different ... I see him on the swing beside me, with those big brown eyes looking into the distance, with sun in them .... I hear "that's no lie" ... "sure you cant persuade your dad to let you stay and go to school?" ... "the westuhn movies" ... "so she can stay lost" .... "and all that jass" ... I can see, feel, that smile and the way he always laughed with his eyebrows raised ... that voice, that accent ... he was - there are only two one really descriptive word - in short - adorable. I'd like to see him now ... I wonder, does he remember me? ... if he does, how? Would wouldn't I give to be back in Mesa right now ..! I'd visit Bonds "B" and try to find Gary first ... Then I'd go for a walk with him and "visit old familiar places" - tomorrow I'm going to celebrate - I asked Jan down - but today I'm sorta' celebrating too - mostly reminiscing - for old times sake, I'm wearing what I wore that day - white peasant blouse, & that yards and yards blue and white skirt ... but there are changes - my black tights, a new haircut - then my hair was long ... I think it's more flattering this way ... and not only that I've changed in other ways I've seen a bit more, learned a bit more, both good and bad, experienced more ... But I've never had [?] since ... and never met anyone who made my heart act that way since ... Where is he now, how is he, what is he doing, has he got a girl, is he still at Bonds [?} pal around with Billy, does he ever think [?] does he think of, did Billy say goodbye for me -? I want to know Today is a day not unlike that day last year, but also contrasting. The sun is shining jovially from an almost blue sky ... - imagine! That very same sun is shinning on Mesa @ this very moment ... Its sort of warm But there never was a Chinook in Mesa ... one is blowing very enthusiastically now, outside ... and altho' a vanishing race, the snow is still with us ... also I'm soaking up unshine in a living room easy chair instead of a swing among orange trees ... I'm not with a guy ... well, sorta I guess - Baiser is my favourite feline male, and he is sleeping on the chair back, in a puddle of liquid sun, but still, its not exactly the same ........ You know ........ I have a lot to remember, don't I? [7 different versions of my handwritten name] I'm just experimenting
with signatures - trying to find one to suit my mood. Dec 5 Chinook, and awfully sloppy out, mud and water and slush. Dec 6 Sunday Dear Journal, today, you might say, i see the next month as a new and beconing world - no wonder! because: December 11th: The play "Home Management" in which I am the efficient (SW) housewife, Mrs Johnstone. And the concert which I am getting some black watch plaid glad rag, and am wearing those gold earrings with pink stones. December 12tth: This is really a thriller - an eventure in the biggest sense of the word. One morning Mr. Mann called me up to his desk and told me - i'm on the CFGP "Teen Tempo" Christmas Program. Hurray! i've got a date at the studio next Saterday to tape the broadcast. This is what I call living. I am honestly thrilled!! Who wouldn't be? A date a recording date at the CFGP studios. Woo-hoo! i'm to read a selection from the Christmas Story between carols. My part is Luke 1;26-35 inclusive. i'm going to love it. December 18: another date - at Edmonton, at the U of A hospital. A letter from dear Doc Rostrup came last week. Very Merry Christmas evr'body! 'Specially me! I'm sadisfyed - slightly And I still have to tell about my last Fridays adventure! Oh, but it was good! i went 'long with Bernice on the bus - they had their pickup at the corner so we didn't have to walk after that long, long bus ride. Bernice was real nice and let me sit beside Lloyd (I'd hoped she would!) Fooled around & ate jap oranges before supper (which was good) and after wards sat around telling jokes. Then be got ready for Young Peoples after the dishes and after a wee sing at the piano. (Bernice suprano - nice voice, me alto or someing higher) Mr & Mrs went along to Thronesses. i sat in front between Lloyd and Bernice and we sang along the road. Suprano, alto, and Lloyd's super-marvelous tenor. It was funny how uninhibited I felt! then we hit a minute bump - Mrs Alstad shieked and the rest of us giggled vvery artlessly and certainly untactfully. Y.P. wasn't too bad - Lloyd was master of ceremonies, Ordean sang a solo (he's got a terrifical voice) and Mr Lima preached a semon that was very very long and very very boring. I thought it was mainly Pentecostal Propaganda. But the rest I enjoyed, 'specially the ride home. It was wonderful and funny, both ... I'll tell you about it. We took Adrienne home too - she was really feeling wonderful and was really talkativve - I say, good for her. I think, in spite of everything, she likes Jack too much and he likes her. Thats probably what makes her glow - but oh, I hope he doesn't get too serious or take advantage of her, or anything. We let her off and drove some more. Bernice was sitting beside me (I was glad the car wasn't a new, wide, model!) so I had to sit fairly close to Lloyd - close enough to be able to feel his arm move, driving - its a very nice feeling - you know ..... mmm? Bernice nearly went to the back seat to sit beside Adrienne - but I was glad she didn't because if she had, decency would havve made me move over and I didn't want to. Aren't I a shamelss little hussie?! .... Well, I like to be one, so there! Frankly, I like the guy, and I wouldn't mind having him for my best beau only don't tell anyone I said so. Really, he's a wonderful person - not dashing or heart throbby - but honestly and sincerely nice. I can't help respecting him and liking him too. Hes the mature type. Ever noticed that scrubbed look hes got? Kinda' funny ...... but sort of magnetic when you know him better. And besides he is a very serious Christian. On the way home he said "You know, I was going to ask them to pray for next Friday. I havve to sing for our Church and I was going to ask them to pray that the Lord will have his way with that song. But I didn't havve the nerve, so you pray, okay?" natcherly, i said I would, and I was more than candidly thrilled because he asked me. I think he likes me a little, not specially of course - I couldn't seriously, truthfully say I thought anyone could. but maybe if something was different ......... but of course it isn't. So that's final. Hes got his eye on a cute miss in school and I've (Bernice too) got mine on a very cute Mr. (economy sized) and we were talkin' about that too, but I doubt if any of us is (very) serieaux. Well anyway we drove along in the dark, I was very comfortable and at our gate I warned them very unenthusiastically, not to try the lane, so of course he did and got nicely stuck. We rocked the car, Bernice and I pushed jumped on the back, held the flashlight, and poor Lloyd couldn't get out. After quite a while I got pop out of bed and went down to talk to BRA again. Then I see Mom plodding down the hill and behind her, pop switched on the truck lights. "Here they come," I said, "nearly the whole family!" we shrieked - in other words, laughed and laughed. Bernice finally managed to gasp "That's exactly the way it would be at our place. The whole tribe would come down to see!" Daddy got him out in no time, and then way they went. It's a night we'll giggle over a long time! December 10th Here I am, on the verge of lots of things - tomorrow, tomorrow, is the program! And I can't act, I'll lose my mind or at least forget my lines I'll slouch on stage, I'll forget to look at Ray when I'm talkin' to him, we'll start giggling like we always do when we look at each other, I'll trip and fall on my face, I'll look like a hag, I'll look plump as a partridge, oooo-oooo and I'll start crying. No1 I refuse to! I won't be good but I refuse to be nervous and make a fool of myself. So there. Saturday is a "golden day of promise" wheee! I can hardly wait - and then .. after a week of exams and scuttling around, I'll go, go, go! At last! The nineteenth. For tomorrow I have a new sort-of-suit - black watch jumper, lacy blouse, and box-y jacket. I feel sophisticated in it - and I think I'm going to wear my pink and gold earrings too - depending. I'll report about all this later ........ Anyway, why should I be nervous for tomorrow? After all, "All the world's a stage The men and women only players." And, even [if] I do make a fool of myself I can remember
"What fools these mortals be" - Just showing off the only 3 Shakespear quotes I know. I kinda like them! Today during rehearsals, he was demonstrating something and he put on my coat to do it. It pushed way up there so uncertainly I almost felt sorry for it. Then the home-time buzzar went, and he actually helped me into it! He must be very experienced, cause he was real smooth at it. I need a new Journal!!!! Dec 11 I was not nervous! Play went off without a hitch, and felt real good. [new notebook] December 12 1959 "The bright day of golden promise" It didn't let me down a bit! In fact it was glorious - Got to G.P. about twelve o'clock and there I was in Grande Prairie for the first time in a long, long time. I had dressed according to mood - and I had tried to get a simple-but-just-a-touch-sophisticated look, because that was exactly how I wanted to feel. So I wore my plaid jumper - because it's new - and my black sweater underneath - because black sweaters are always simple, classic, and a varying degree sophisticated - I debated on wearing a goldy necklace too, but decided not to because it spoiled the effect. And then my Sunday shoes and my big patent purse to add the accessoried look. So much for dress. Then I had to try to get my hair to look casual, and my mind likewise. Soon my stomach was insisting on being fed, so we walked down about three blocks to the Park. Today, the Park was perfect because it has an elegant atmosphere, but still has interesting people. There were a few highbrow Christmas decorations, and so bee-you-te-ful, in a modern way, lights overhead. You know, the new look in brass. We got a table behind the Lowes, and across from a guy who looked at me fairly often out of the corner of his eye. Since this wasn't a real dining-out, I decided on the light touch again. Just to be teenly-typical - a Coke and a hamburger! It's aw'fly hard to be dainty while eating a hamburger, but I pretended my Coke was champane or something, meanwhile avoiding the guy across the aisles eyes. He was cute in a tight blue jeaned long blond hair way, but not refined enough. After dinner, with 25 minutes before I had my "date", we walked back those three blocks. Meanwhile my mind was remarking at intervals, the way it does in town - "he's cute!" or "what a funny looking person" or "oh, that beautiful doll!" or "that dress!" and I was mentally looking for signs of character so I could say "she's the crude type" or "hes loose" or "shes blue", "they're backwoods", "she's sophisticated", "she's tawdry", "hes the happy kind", "shes gracious". You know how it does The dresses and lingerie were loverly and eye catching too. Well, I walked into CFGP by myself - through the ironwork door, up three steps, through another door, and into a beautiful petite little lobby with a guy sitting behind glass. I stood there a minute looking around, and then the man said "If you're for the Teen Tempo program, go around that way" I said thank you and started one way - he said "not that way, through the door marked 'studios'. Just go straight ahead. Theres 3 doors, just barrel right through them." So I did - you're forever going through doors in the station - lo and behold, the end door opened into a really cozy little place. There were 2 big soundproofed windows, and there were drapes hanging all around the wood panelled walls. These drapes were perfect for the room - a rich colored print of violins, horns, and sheet music. There was a beautiful grand piano, and an electric organ with at least three keyboards. There were stacks and stacks of sheet music on the corner table, and huddled between two comfortable chairs was a table and the microphone hanging over it. There were some folding chairs stacked in another corner. Linked by a heavy double door and a sound proof window was the taping room. On the wall by the window there was the taping busines and simply scads of buttons and levers. The guy worked in there in an open collared white shirt, minus tie and jacket and formality. He taped our broadcasts and gave us the nod when he was ready. But going back to the beginning - walked in and said hi, then sat down beside a little gal on the shine-y organ bench. Looking around, I saw a Parlee from Sexsmith, and a few other kids. After about a minute - I had been talking to Robert Parlee - a girl walked in. She was wearing a wide skirt, and a pink blouse And her figure fitted into 'em perfectly cause she was slender and graceful but had a perfectly beautiful bustline - excuse my personalness - which was the kind you read about in books'n'things - quote (gulp) "young and lifting" unquote. She was blonde, not glamourous, and not really pretty but sweet looking. She sort of took over as hostess - I noticed her soft spoken graciousness especially She asked us all whether we listened to Teen Tempo and a few other things like that. "Are you Elenora?" I asked. "Yes" she said "I am" and she smiled really prettily. Meanwhile, I was thinking, oh, if I could only ever be as completely poised and gracious as she is! Some more kids came in - An Indian, a shortie, and a doll. Pretty and poised, well dressed, with the cutest, wispiest, black bangs and dark eyes. I smiled at her across the room and felt very gratified when she smiled back. Robert was sitting in a folding chair and talking avidly to me - I'd never talked to him before in my entire life - in fact here I was, having only seen, but never met him - talking to him as I would to Gerald or Art, like someone I know and like really well - and imagine, in a room full of females - nine, to be exact, - I was the one who was monopolizing the only boy! That was a change, I can assure you! Later another guy came in, the only other boy. He was tall 'n' real lanky (dig that description) and good looking in an intelligent sort of way. He had a really dark brushcut, dark eyes, and black rimmed glasses. I was wishing that he'd come over in talking distance, but he slouched over on something across the room. So I looked at him some, and smiled at him whenever I got a tiny spurt of courage. But I didn't too often. Another very interesting person was Mr Dale. He bounced in on the balls of his feet, exuding vibrancy from every pore. He was the guy who told us what to do, reasurred us, patted our shoulders and gave us the nod. In some way, he was a perfectionist - when one gal was reading he'd stand there and listen with his eyes closed and his shiny brown head tilted to one side. Then, he'd spot a flaw far too tiny to hear and bounce up with a curtly sympathetic "No! I'm sorry, but you'll have to do that again " So he'd point out the mistake and then close his eyes again, waiting for the next mistake. I could see into the next studio through a double glass window. In front of a terribly intricate instrument panel sat Bob Sharples (something like that - the very picture of efficiency. He leaned away back in a chair, his lanky frame stretched out luxuriously, answering the phone, flipping platters, and smoking his pipe. Through another glass panel in his studio, I could see Fran Tanner energetically talking to a mike. My turn came after a while. We watched and chatted for about 5 minutes, and then sat like mice while the red light went on. I sat down at the table, feeling my cheeks get hot like they always do when I'm excited, there was a very bright light and a mirror. While waiting for the high sign, I gave a fleeting glance at my hair in the mirror, and then I got the nod - I plunged right in to "And in the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent from God unto a city of Galilee, named Nazareth ........... And the angel answered and said unto her, The Holy Ghost shall come upon thee, and the power of the highest shall over shadow thee: therefore also that holy thing which shall be born of thee shall be called the Son of God ,,,," Then, someone who should have been there wasn't, so I read her part too. It ran from .... "And Mary said, 'My soul doth magnify the Lord " to "... as he spake to our fathers, to Abraham, and to his seed forever ...." It was a nice passage and somehow revealing .... Mary herself was young and probably pretty she seems to have been the gracious kind .... and she had a lot to take - after all she was pregnant and not married. So there was probably a lot of maliciousness. A while later, I "wended my way" towards Woolworths, still bouyed up by the deliciousness of the experience. I traveled around, but the aisles were so squashed it wasn't funny. I saw quite a few people I knew, but everyone was so shove-y! There seems to be such an impersonal air in a department store in a rush. I grabbed a new "Impressions" book - alias "Journal" - a spring green comb, and a card for Mom'n'Dad because I couldn't possibly afford a present. - I'm really in desperate straits, it seems. But the card was a whole two bits so it will just have to do. I picked a salesgirl who wasn't too busy - a blonde and cute - and while she was counting up I said "such a rush!" she said "It's terrible - are you from in town? I haven't seen you around ..." The count-up amounted to sixty-five cents. "Oooo" I said "I think I'm a nickle short! I'll go borrow one from Dad - " So I scooted ... and when I came back with a quarter, she wrapped it and handed it to me with a big smile. "Thank you" I said "and Merry Christmas!" The reason I wrote this down is because it is a stepping stone of sorts. A growth - December 13th I finished writing this today - and now I have a poem to memorise and
a paragraph to write. I've been spending the Sunday listening to Uncle Willie
talk and briefly watching the sex lives of the pigs outside my window -
ugh! I was talking French briefly to le Oncle a... nd he said I had it pretty
good. I said "Merci!"
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