| edged out 5 part 2 - 1983 march | work & days: a lifetime journal project |
8th March 1983 Pain. J and T. Looking at nothing but discipline.
Those minds I have described that have become channels for parallel streams of thought I practiced meditations and those so affected my sleep that I began to have dreams seeming to take place amid brilliant light. I'd buy that land, build on it and make it a center, the money would make it loved, a house with two storeys, a park, phone and hydro under. It would be painted. Shock of their looking different, ill, pained, more decorated, cruder. Thalidomide hippy. Others the same. 9th
Cat woke me at first light, quite clear. What I'm wanting is the next degree of freedom where I don't do the first thing of its reflex but the other outside. Each insult takes me so intensely. Last night the trouble about not liking J-M's film and not having the sense it was possible to invent. O balance. And then the Australian doctor saying we've got until 1985, not longer than 1990. That struck fear. I noticed I'm ready to believe it because of bible prophecy. And then, that others will have to do it because I must work at something else - goes Reagen have the fantasy that he's the bringer of the Second Coming - he is the one to be assassinated - and that I both believe the moment will come - "It will be over in about half an hour" - and don't think I've seen it in people's personal lines of fortune - "Every living creature would be blinded" - in the loss of ozone. And Caldicott's issue - her women's organization - seeing it would mobilize - it's planetary, anti-masculine. The point of fear - unable - manipulable. 1. I feel I can move in that, I begin to see it as a place to think, I mean I feel a capacity to think in it, possibility of power, ie speaking authoritatively, putting together what I've worked on, taking on the questions I've held myself passive on - a threat from outer space - economy - are they differentiated enough to unify. 2. In the clear morning looking at the cat remembering the stoned stream where the cat would have been a messenger, being in a depth of attention to the value of the time passing - 'magic'. 3. Learning to watch how language grabs, how to know what I'm doing with it - "in the clear morning" - fertility - image - the figures - (refugee - most-skill - preventedness - gaiety - body).
4. The garden I just do and look at. 5. Attachment Luke and J. The old strong soul gathered itself together for the last time; it knew where it stood. By a hill they arrived at, in a wagon canvas with a candle, she wakes. She took from the sail a glass that hung pinned there. She put a pillow on her breast and stood the glass against it. They had looked at each other often before. It had been a child's face looking out above its blue pinafore; it had been a woman's face with something that had said "We are not afraid. We are together. We will fight." Now tonight it had come to this. The eyes closed. The face the glass reflected. Olive Schreiner 1883 Story of an African farm And so it comes to pass in time, that the earth ceases for us to be a weltering chaos. We walk in the great hall of life looking up and around reverentially. Schreiner b.1855. Great great grandmother alone on a mission station not believing, suffering it. We look into dead ducks and lambs. In the evening we carry them home, spread newspapers on the floor, and lie working with them until midnight. With a startled feeling akin to ecstasy we open the lump of flesh called a heart, and find little doors and strings inside. We feel them, and put the heart away; but every now and then return to look, and to feel them again. Under the white hen we put a dozen egges and break one daily, to see the white spot wax into a chicken. We are not excited or enthusiastic about it; but a man is not to lay his throat open, he must think of something. So we plant seeds in rows on our dam-wall, and pull one up daily to see how it goes with them. What was I doing - I was reading novels. We are seated on the doorstep, we have yet the taste of the bread and milk in our mouth, and the red sunset is reflected in our basin. This thing we call existence, is it not a something which has its roots far down below in the dark and its branches stretching out into the immensity. We are pushing a flat-iron in a doll carriage across a kitchen floor. We are near the floor. We look up to see our mother's face through the glass of the door pane, looking at us, smiling, our father behind her, in the instant of returning. Near the floor, the floor, the oven. A doll carriage, a flat iron. Near the floor (seen), the floor, the oven (felt, part seen), pushing a doll buggie, very small doll buggy, fat legs (seen from outside), a flat iron (seen, maybe in the buggy). Across the door my mother's face looking at me (seen) (through the glass of the door pane) (behind her, him) an instant in the rush of their return. Nasturtiums: would be July. I assume it's BC. Perhaps the glass door says it's Oma's though I assumed it was their friends'. Judy conceived 7 Sept. Polio January. 10th Skin bright. Repenting. Immediate to the moment. No form but the form (it made for itself). Language making connections.
- Not being able to tell what's credible. Still dizzy. There's no need to do any of this. Is there something there's a need to do. Fear - the abyss I know is where I feel I do whatever I do next but there is no necessity. There's the necessity I give myself to, in order not to be where I am feeling there is no necessity. I live in a machine of thoughts, in order not to be where is see thoughts are nothing, don't connect. Poverty, living without, to not be like them, to attract them. Being sorry for ignorance lifelessness oblivion, not having persisted to make certainties.
Jake and R turning their interest to Kathy when she says last year she converted, hear her breasts in a sweater are the right kind, round, straight black hair. I take off my (sweater) but not long, no one is looking, I'm cold. We leave. I'm indignation. They made religious interest (of) their sexual interest, the way she looked when they began to see her. She asked Jake when he had converted. He said he'd tell her another time, meaning when unbelievers aren't there. I burst in, stop myself, say "Oops, excuse me." An open land. I get out the gate, they leave me to walk. Josie shows me a list of Robert's books, one page in a binder of her (work, projects). I want to know where and how she knew him. She doesn't look like Josie, fat white-skinned head, blond. I accept that she has changed, she looks more like Brad. What she got from his books was life. Writing books. The current of life. The conscience. Waking wanting life. Jake. Young father, harshness, political opportunist, I think maybe a racial recognition. In Mennonites he would have been the leader, the one to attach to, and Kroeker. R the body to wrap on, sucking. Was there as my desire. Kathy the visible body, black hair falling straight aside. College trunk in good wool, good looking brisk. Schreiner - bitter - what's intelligence if it minds being left out. - that he had heard the crying of new-dropped lambs in November - spring in the world of faery being November with us. Put yourself inside the head of a bird as he's flying down a channel of water. I'm interested in getting you inside his head in flight. And everything's moving. There is no still reference point because he's in flight, you're in flight. Whoever's reading. - Giving in to a habit of branching by way of a word "Pun is rhyme." Chéance falling. She calls the embryo. A response, literarily, to her own consciousness (in the body) as she writes. Body intact and fought for. - What has been your commitment in writing. What are your assumptions / what is 'writing' socially.
Do you like the sound of Observation and argument previous to writing What occurs in this work must be treated exactly as it occurs and not by reference outside. Each keeps the play of its separate energy and the confusion proper to it. If he sprawl, he shall find little to sing but himself, by way of artificial forms outside himself, but if he stays inside himself, if he is contained within his nature as he is participant in the larger force, he will be able to listen, and his hearing through himself will give him secrets objects share. His shapes will make their own way. The absolute in all its guises - notion, assertion, opinion - has slunk away. The weave of accent quality, breath which makes prosody the music it is: and here is a very close music, sharp, long and stopped. are seen in a process of finding out how to act to keep what youth had. Making sure that without going aside and at the same time without adding any muscle to overcome the world, something else is attended to Innocence - that it must be kept. only a most quiet and clear one Even so his emergence was protracted and difficult because it involved a more than usual concern with the fathers. partners in his emergence. The way I have leaned on - In each case the love has been covert and the work posed as my own. I price I have paid is the resistance to them, which has racked me - the pathetic struggle to keep my own ego above their water. [Charles Olson 1930 Projective verse] The advocacy in writing about writers. The navel stone at the oracle of Delphi. When they speak about or for a man I know they do not mean me, but I take something from them. That is to say, their work does work for me. Then in what way am I excluded: I am excluded from their intention. They don't mean to be useful to me; what I make of using them isn't likely to interest them, is not their lineage. I am, to them, a blind alley. Pocket. Appendage joined to or diverging from the axial trunk. Their work is reactive to women, but unconsciously. Their poetic may be formed as a denial of woman's authority. But it is what they can't afford to know. To acknowledge defense of patriarchy is immediately to give it up: opponent is equal. Risk nakedness, chaos because in there is the possibility of acting. The desire for chaos is the breath of their poetry. The fear of chaos is their parade of forms and technique. Lawrence the dawdlers. - The navel stone "one end of the earth's axis." "The pool is slime." "The fetid nest." Standing in the crashing water. Interiors and their registration. Olson looking for the Maya - "and the conception, that there had been and could be a civilization anterior to that which he had come from. The American will more and more possess himself of the Indian past." Lawrence "also that outside this quiet gate, this navel, lies a whole universe on which you can lay tribute." "Paradise is a person coming into this world" Olson The dark is not easy to enter, sexuality is terrible encounter, what the encounter enables is awakening from it. - For the newspaper. Compose it, along with the work of others, by means of juxtaposition, correlation, interaction. For the prenatal. Black and white and ultraviolet (infrared). Implication. Black and white is sensation. In the beginning was the word. And the conception that there had been and could be a civilization anterior to that which he had come from. A reality which is wholly formal without loss of intimate spaces, with the ball still snarled, yet, with a light (and not stars) and a heat (not androgyne) which declares, the persistence of both organism and will (human). Creeley ML - The space of music. Light straw. Brass spikes standing through. Moving lines and coming into existence in it by the will to. She is the strong wide line in it. There / but here. The singer as technician is the body of another mind. In the great hall. to fix it in such a way that no one can see him act or hear him talk without knowing how rich their own life is. The result is a more forceful tone, self confident enough to take the time to Any shelter in which may be established a viable, temperate relation of one sex to another necessitates the intervention of that medium known as the paternal metaphor. - His fable of the vocation of second birth and then of the commitment to a public task. a descent into one's own darkness, that blind place wholly related to light the light of the mind the centre where a sun within the self my feeling is a sun of being sits in this mass of darkness The unmentionable, a profound relation to the mother, a birth from place. Pure life - immortal life - irrepressible life - life that has no need of an organ, simplified, indestructible life - precisely what is subtracted from the living being by virtue of being subject to sexed reproduction - it is of this that all the forms of the lost object are figures - the breast, the placenta - represents what the individual loses at birth. Lamella - plate - lamina leaf. On this conjunction between the subject in the field of the drive and the subject as he appears in the field of the other, on this effort to join oneself together - is the support .... For the rest, it is handed over to the explanations that are given of it. [Sounds like Lacan] Then he heard a sound only a magnificent old bell could produce, a sound that seemed to roar forth with all the latent power of a distant world. Let us not forget that it is usual to represent the unconscious as a cellar, even as a cave, but the unconscious is more like a bladder, and this bladder can be seen only if one places a little light inside. The subject who reveals and conceals himself by means of the pulsations of the unconscious. In the field of the unconscious the ears are the only orifice that cannot be closed. If I've spoken to you of the unconscious as of something that opens and closes, it's because its essence is to mark that time by which, from the fact of being born with the signifier, the subject is born divided. The subject is this emergence which, just before, as subject, was nothing, but which, having scarcely appeared, solidifies into a signifier. 14th Bought Pearl paper and chemicals. Lacan. The travel agent arms on his head. Two standing looking, the one has just walked in, the other is not angry but takes the moment to effect the change, cold but shocked. Killing loves. "Don't you know how to knock." "What a stupid thing to say - Ellie." Oki paused beside her for a moment, remarking how quiet it was. "Yes, you can hear people talking all the way across the river," she said. Ambition idealism confusion. Reading - the catch of interest when I feel there might be a kind of coherence it speaks from, that is new to me. I think so because I have a sense of understanding although I don't know the terms. "Silk and wool." Terminologies. The father who set his son on fire because his estranged wife (said she'd never see him again) said he'd never see him again. "Father can't you see I'm burning" in Lacan the next day.
Without language man would remain locked in himself, and imprisoned, dumb and helpless subject. I see (myself) outside, perception is not in me, it is on the objects. What I look at is never what I wish to see. the invocatory drive which is the nearest to the unconscious making-oneself-heard Where one is caught short, where one cannot, as a result of the lack, give what is to be given, one can always give something else. It is through the gaze that I enter light and it is from the gaze that I receive its effects. Hence it comes about that the gaze is the instrument through which light is embodied and through which - if you will allow me to use a word as I often do in a fragmented form - I am photo-graphed. Topology 1. study of those properties of geometric figures or solid bodies that remain invariant under certain transformations 2. relation between the forward part of the fetus and the birth canal. Topography 1. detailed description of places 2. mapping 3. physical features of a place 4. surveying with reference to physical features.
an enveloping topology in which the subject recognizes himself when he speaks spontaneously There is a hole, and something that oscillates in the interval. The Freudian unconscious is situated at the point where between cause and what it affects, there is always something wrong. What the unconscious does is show us the gap through whip neurosis recreates a harmony with the real - a real that may well not be determined. The question remains open. The neurosis becomes a scar. What does he find in the hole, in the split, in the gap so characteristic of cause? something of the order of the nonrealized. At first the unconscious is manifested to us as something which holds itself in suspense in the area, I would say, of the unborn. That repression should discharge something into this area - It is the abortionist's relation to limbo. It is always dangerous to disturb anything in that zone of shades. touching them at what Freud calls the navel, which is simply like the anatomical navel that represents it, the gap. A closed one - a mirage to which is attached the reference to the enveloping psyche, a sort of double of the organism in which this false unity is thought to reside. The one that is introduced by the experience of the unconscious is the one of the split, of the stroke, of rupture. Where is the background? Rupture, split, the stroke of the opening makes absence emerge - just as the cry. - The color of silver. The color of candle. In Lacan the seminar, reading others the sense of seminar. Merleau-Ponty the film of Matisse painting. "What occurs as these strokes, which go to make up the miracle of the picture, fall like rain from the painter's brush is not choice, but something else." That of the little child seeing his brother at his mother's breast a bitter look. Envy is for the image of completeness. his character the mad poet 15 [darkroom notes] 16 Rebecca West died yesterday. Marlene telling that J-V back in Seattle is caught shop-lifting, was in jail a night or two. [Jamila back from Hong Kong, I meet her at the airport] The international waiting room, emotion of families, plaid skirt girl with dancey legs. The boy in a suit, big hair. Formal women in saris. The-one-who's-coming won't be what I'm hungry for. Tight hair light waist small head followed on a leash by a big black bag. I wanted to ride silent on the bus differently - feeling it's you. What was it instead: confused, she isn't glad to see me. I am not either, this inert spirit, who set me up so I had to be closed when I met her. The blooming streets and mountains clear today. Pink and blue days. Hot.
Then coming home to the garden. Rhoda shifs over, wants to hear, loves the garden. The story she told about the back yard. "It was about this size." Broken glass and earth packed down. "I vowed that when I grew up I would make something beautiful out of it. And here it is, and I didn't even have anything to do with it." The pool, lotus tulips, little reds; the smell of hyacinth, poplar; chionadoxa new-opened. Red van pulls up. "Look who's here!" Saying quickly before I leave "I want something to be different, I want you not to get in the habit again of abusing me" and the hand going on her shoulder, "You're hunched!" She's fat and ugly and stinks. "She's fat?" "Her face is thin, her middle is fat, she looks quite blank." Their having loving concern makes me wonder if I'm vicious. I made myself look nice and she isn't liking to see me. She's fragile. "I feel I am a big head. I wish the rest were here." "Did you leave it with your family?" Not liking the sarcastic way I talk to her: the way she is feeble. Distressed not being able to look after her, having to be mean so she won't be, because she would be. And when I am leaving she begins to be nice though I know what she needs is to have me lie down by her and let her get to a tit. 17 From in the pool, it, I am under the pool, died. One of those outside, he, stares through to me. I come up in the figure of a dead one, grimacing. Henry. Crossing through. The black pool central in the room. When I woke from it I pegged it and thought I'd remember it, and don't. There was a story happening under the pool? Crossing. The way last night I was in sex further than anytime during the three months [she was gone], even at the airport I wondered if I were smelling arousal. Wanting to make something of it / wanting not to.
In discourse patriarchy is made by prestige, but prestige pressure, dazzle, magic impression, illusion of access to what to anyone is mysterious, is always in reference to the prenatal, birth and the maternal. And so patriarchy is particularly lying, bluffing, ie unconscious and unstable.
The prestige of paradox. The gender irritations. It loses itself as much as it finds itself again. an audacious arch what seemed so evidently to be an opening on a lower world reading in the registers of
ontogeny, phylogeny nothing but disdain for what appears in the gap showing the father how one is, oneself, an abstract, heroic unique phallus (devoted to the service of the lady) Anxiety is that which does not deceive. The real supports the fantasy, the fantasy supports the real. If you keep hold of the initial structure you will avoid giving yourself up to some partial aspect of the question of the unconscious. Everything that blossoms in the unconscious spreads like mycelium around a central point. The split through which that something, whose adventures the rhythmic structure of this pulsation of the slit I spoke of last time in our field seems so short, is for a moment brought into the light of day - a moment because the second stage, which is one of closing up [Lacan, maybe Four fundamental concepts of psychoanalysis] "Quite a backyard you have." "Thank you." "It's pretty good." something analogous to light Stopping her before the rose bush. "Look how full it is." "Bushy." The compass such a lovely little thing. Shall I give it to somebody else? No. What is repeated is always something that happens as if by chance. Things must not be taken at the level at which the subject puts them. Those radical points in the real that I call encounters Going in to the meeting she's having with R thinking I must look to see if she looks more real, then being wrung, and not looking, but to R in the strange stiff force I only knew at the time, as a strange stiff force, "Was there a big cry?" Hesitation. "No there was a lot of tail wagging." Looking at Ezra clean and fat by J's chair. "And heavy breathing." "And heavy breathing." [At night, the back room window in my house, I can see into Rhoda's kitchen where Jam is visiting.] In my house - how to bear it - try to sit and focus - want to go to sleep - they have come to sit in the kitchen in the light. Is it worse to sit in agony not watching, or watching - in the kimono sitting on the desk behind the curtain looking at that one facing me, and that one's back - she in her stiff face but talking talking stiff gestures a pulling of the lip I don't know, barring her teeth, Rhoda is only listening and smoking, her smoke goes up in front of J's face - that one I don't know, haven't spoken to, and am fastened to seeing - her new clothes I don't like, the ugliness of her fat and stiff trunk in the new tight jeans, baby blue and pink, dressed by Sheila, I'm watching to see if she'll come back, the flexible face - fascinated, in agony, and cold - she doesn't love me, she does love Rhoda - she smiles, she's thawing, she's relieved, she's heard, she's releasing - did she ever talk to me like that - putting her head down on the table - I've talked like that with Trudy - she didn't answer any of my appeals - she doesn't give me a chance - Rhoda's head at a different angle, she's in pleasure - I want to go and walk into the scene, hear the talk, sit at a table with her being released - it will be bad if I do - do something so it will be acknowledged that she loves Rhoda - so I won't be holding her hopelessly - that one I don't like - she didn't care to answer my anger - I could release her too but if I did, she'd do something hateful, or she'd be over me not knowing I'd released her - these are quotations - when I've gone and put my clothes on and come back she is getting up, Rhoda gets up too, the scene is empty, then it's Rhoda putting things away off the table, pouring the milk from the little jug back into the box. 18 What is back: tremour - there was anguish but not heart tremour - bad conscience - I wanted R to see me lying down in the garden derelict - solar heart throat beating. 20 Walking the path along the end of False Creek in the late afternoon - heat and light like fall, Ezra ahead or behind, some relief sitting on the beam alongside Chinese people parking, then the walking south and a moment when it had suddenly overripened - it was the right lightness relief heat and yellowness near water over and through weeds and gravel - the dismaying swollenness of her hands and feet with slight wrinkle - fatness of middle - - Reading the Helmer story loving her and wanting to go right there, finding her unloving stiffened again figuring from past error. The Finnish woman's property dreams - an Artemis mound - sitting with that one wrangling from figures - still as if married - I won't compete - the romance is gone. Smal print close quarters. Complaint cause I'm strong. Noticing the dreams for the house and garden that are significations. Ran through all the protests like connecting the circuits. She was missing her folks. Seeing the light move over the floor that was the airplane's. Romance was how - hope and fear - superstition, signs, believing dreams, thinking partings final, not believing limits final, acting in ideal. The program is for me to be a-b, means she has to be p, which is her program, not mine. The one I like to see is more like Ed. She was reading mine too. 21 The girl was changing after work, called in, can't help him seeing her in a sheet, so he sends her down to the other building where he'll seize her. There's a flight. Wrapping in flapping cloth and hobbling, we're disguised from him coming behind, three, myself, the girl and a young man. In the dark store meeting pretty Martha. J says she's heard there's a baby, Martha says no but they disappear together, I am with a bird? at the window, who scares away? It's only three little things, mouse babies coming in tumbling on the floor I want to secure in some way. At the warehouse by the sea or river he has still followed, she and the others are closed in the closet hidden. I'm pretending I'm a man on my own. To convince him pretend to take out my wiener and pee out the window. A short fall until I put more into it and then it's a huge arc up and out over the water. He is impressed but when I turn the one up to his head in the floor has seen. She in the closet in the instant the door closes again, signs that he saw, and while I turn to the pursuer man, she has flashed out and stamped the skull into the ground. A voice in a beautiful tune I give myself to singing and finding the harmony with, throw myself quite far into the curves, whole heart and good finding, voice is strong, rough. It was as if in the next room, church assembly, maybe my singing was unsuitable, it was a tune made to show the women's voices, the Welsh. It was to be light and silvery. The woman and the man on the mountain, she's made her declaration, she's utterly opposed. The narrative goes on, "In time there was a child, it is done in heaven also, in that way." 22 Coming up sideways long junks from China, a woman on deck managing the sail, series of them behind. From the wharf they're squeezing past. The scene suddenly is flowing. I'm on a ship by impulse, will I be able to get off when we pass the next wharf. Having come past the long barn the father repeating he's had a new roof put on, it's his, I the son walk through to the other side and then along, it's a good barn, I think I'll take it. Young men on their heels under the store's apron stage, drinking. It's a Brazilian story. The able man, bush pilot or such, on the left and in front in shade driving. A story about his wanting to get a girl, his or someone's. Jack'. - Not Jack. The girl was Bao Bao, his name was - Outside the ripped open parcel paper, in a covered pocket, a key, it's not one of mine, I know by looking, key with a hole in it rather than an edge. I say it belongs to Stallone, who billeted with me some time back. Driving in the truck, we've left Paul behind in the old far house, I'll be in my Valhalla house, he'll be lonely, will he live in a mess like Rudy. We're going the back way to La Glace, M driving crazily up onto a narrow rock ledge, across a gap, "Why did you do that?" It was to get around a chasm, I seem to, looking back, remember it too, there's another fast edge and then we're to climb down to the highway, a long ladder down snow cliff (60') her nylons. I go first, just hold the outside of the rails and let go - whoosh and some back at the bottom, M does the same, she doesn't skid as far, or Judy, who through La Glace skates, and a schoolgirl with very thin legs coming in from recess. Last night fasting and in bed early, feeling smoke, its person, understandings and values, is it J smoking, the way I used to be able to talk to her in it, we didn't grind, that was when I'd been lit up with them I'd bring it to her, in that high up wide room, she'd be rapid and fine. The newspaper will make her fight with me about writing. The little cat putting herself into my arm by lying on the sleeping bag, down into the space between my arm and my side. Amazing! A magnetic thrill traveling slowly from my feet up, ridged, I think quite gold. She was lying still probably asleep. After a while I tried stroking her through the thin down and nylon, my hand was getting an exquisite sexual awakeness. The most definite experience of field. In J's dream she's telling her mother she's unwell because she's slept in the same place too long, the foam has worn through. WINDS. Veering and backing, Veering is with sun. Knot is nautical mile, 15% longer. Atmosphere tides, high at 10 am, low at 4 pm. The secrets give you a noble loneliness. Our job forces us a living wall of human emotion sincere desire to serve my gift the courage to face what you are. They are not easy things to admit. I want the kind of music I make to change people go out of the hall changed. Music does that to me. Janet Baker Singers deep breathing and emotional flooding.
Coleridge, for instance, would let go by a fine isolated verisimilitude from being incapable of remaining content with half knowledge.
Law. The DNA of physics would be the subnuclear? The word of the whole by which all is built Correct inference is correct aligning OE line cord, ligner to place in line, ligament, ligare. Lines of lawgic laid legible lexicon lace. Nexus lectare to tie, next, link, derivation unfound
Daimones "the supernatural," it blends the historical and the natural Of the company of the living, that they are distracted and dispersed. has the context of his own species for his self
acts his own precious forwardness The man: "but my difference is history," "history is not her," "history ends," "therefore I began."
Factoring: to resolve into factors Is he saying history as it's been is worthless because there was not enough attention to the instant. At any moment of essential experience you are making a choice. To get you out of a modern dilemma: nature. Either she is primarily known as any one of us alive, human creatures issue from her (I am being literally generic), or she becomes what she also but only, for us, secondarily, is: environment, that which surrounds us. Anything OUTSIDE.
Power the holding instead of process, "in the face of process," "falls to the status of understanding," asserting the self as character. To take thought is a sentence, the pretence of thought. 1. something 2. changes 3. thought / non-identity One is the self as ego and sublime, the other is the self as center and circumference, the will nonasserting self as self. "It can only do this if it is the tensor of a set of qualities," desire (fertility, 'beauty'), care (equal other), thought (true description, skill). Energy, desire - idea, choice - resistance, pressure - focus, resolve - action Will seems to be the experience of the interaction of the others. Energy - resistance - focus. Energized focus, action felt as such. Satisfaction is to see that the other is there without the self dying.
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