| dames rocket 4 part 5 - december 1976 | work & days: a lifetime journal project |
Vancouver December 1976 [Front leaf: This is all one story.] Physical phenomena originally classified by their human sense organ, now however:
Sound energy is a form of mechanical energy, particles set in motion, temporary stresses Therefore two kinds of energy, kinetic of particles in motion, acoustic potential of stresses It is not always easy to separate the acoustic energy from other forms of mechanical energy possessed by the fluid The energy is put into the fluid by some sort of energy transformation - magnetostriction, piezoelectric effect These are mechanical-electric transformations When certain metals or crystals are put into a magnetic field they contract and expand in the direction of the field (piezoelectric transducer) OR If they are pushed or pulled by a mechanical force they become partially magnetized (magnetostriction transducer) Solenoid ie core and coil Sound front In regions of water with temperature difference, sound paths are bent in the direction of lower velocity of propagation, ie colder Boundaries - part of energy reflected, part passes into the adjoining medium In some way, part of passing sound energy is converted into heat (absorbed) Disturbing the pressure and density of some medium The wave equation = fundamental differential equation of wave propagation Made up of:
Acoustical things occupy space as well as time, as expressed by space-time vectors of pressure Encoding 4 audio channels into two Time-domain information - Magician, who had access to all experiences without being subject to their karmic effects Dreaming an American town, a paradise flowering town with big wood houses all with wide gardens. It was in Washington State.
Eskimos seeing themselves as skeletons - seeing himself naked, altogether freed from flesh he consecrates him/herself in the sacred tongue of the shamans, to his/her great task through that part of the body which will longest withstand the action of the sun, wind and weather, after s/he is dead. Siddhis magical feats Intelligence (manas) is the swiftest of birds. The magical heat - kundalini - holding breath and transmuting sex always with luminous events Magical acts called burning Anyone performing miracles called boiling Mastery of fire, inner heat, rage Engendered by a violent and excessive increase in power Chiefly of interest to magicians and warriors The Eskimo shaman - "As if the house in which he is suddenly rises, he sees far ahead, through mountains, as if the earth were one great plain, and his eyes could reach the ends of the earth." Yoga for autonomy, shamanism for flight But both meet in 'emergence from time' and abolition of history Spontaneity of one liberated from her life
Personality that has issued from temporality Not a consciousness nourished on one's own history but a witnessing consciousness, which is pure lucidity and spontaneity There are others, who are strange people, they are almost constantly traveling hither and thither, they scoff at everything, take no care for anything, possess secrets, eat gold and mercury for perfect health.
- Snakes - by act of will transform it to feminine The snake treats the Feminine with familiarity Connection between goddess and snake The womb and snake associated Phallos without man, woman with the essence of man in her The snake in Crete and India is an attribute of goddess Snake is underground water Genii that accompany the goddess, winged figures Stroking the heads of the cobras - walking the fields Hooded head - cobra twined around her waist Suggests a womb - make a neck cobra Snake robe of the Mexican goddess Coatlicue Chapter CXLVII of the Book of the dead Fire, the lady of flames, who inhaleth the supplications which are made to her Lady of Light, the lady to whom abundant supplication is made there is a serpent thereupon whose size is not known; it was born in the presence of the Still-Heart Medusa's snakes help her to petrify The terrible aspect of the Feminine always includes The snake woman, the woman with the phallos The Gorgon, Artemis, Hecate, Demeter, Ishtar, Hathor Vorse - volvas - sorceresses - Celestial power falcon, eagle A night sea voyage the way airplane - Matriarchy Patriarchy Women reclaim matriarchy on top of thin reclamation of consciousness Sea, night sea, and night sky are one and the same Night is the Great Round, underworld, night sea and night sky encompassing all living things "The trial of love is living out the mystery of mythology, in the precision and care of causality" - learning how. Very fine trial. [Later handwriting in black ink: When someone is very new you see only the mythology. It's not right to stick in it as you know more.]
- Winter, powerpack running out, not caring, she met me, she was willing to play. Until suddenly. A life in the upper right shoulder blade. Oh freedom. You've never done either of those things before. [undated letter to my mom] Hello dear M, I passed the test - when I saw the book I had a feeling of maybe I really didn't know you any more but of course I do love Anna and when I sat in the Green Parrot eating breakfast on the way from Trudy's house yesterday I read and cried little prickle tears over it. I love Anna because like Don Juan in Castenada's books she tells us exactly what we want to hear: that all we need is being and that whenever we fully are we are in direct contact with Being. Anna reminded me of Luke, who dazzles me with his clarity. Sometimes I startle: who spoke just then? Was it a three, four, five year old? Yes, and most of the time when they say what they know we don't believe they said what they did and we pretend we didn't hear it. Is it true she ever existed? Did he fabulate? It's true that if a nineteen year old had found that child she would have had more of a chance to show what she was than if an adult had found her. What I don't like in the book is the voice of the old man telling the story, he's not bad but there's something a little too cute about him. D'you know? He reminds me of my friend Andy Moustache, who would have been a good brother for Anna, but there is a hole in Andy and there is one in Flynn: they stop too soon, there is something self-satisfied in their beautiful souls. Anna is the essence of the book and the essence of Anna is the possibility of being a person who cannot be conned by socialization (Old Nick as socialization), who does not give up what she knows. So she has to die. The good dying young because it is immpossible to imagine her surviving, as what she was, more years than a couple. Old Nick would have got her. The East End where the book is set was where Luke and I lived in the couple of months before we came to Canada. What you have to tell me is this: how can you have a spiritual life when your life has a big lie in it? I mean the lie of marriage to a man who is not a mate to You? This question is the essence of my whole relation to you. Do you know that? I stopped touching you in childhood because I couldn't bear your slavery, it seemed to betray me and all my possibilities. It will hurt you to hear this. It is possible that there is a deep true connection between you and Father and that I have based all my scorn of you on a misunderstanding, but if this is the case you will have to show me. I have seen that he loves / depends on you, but I have never (once, very far back in childhood) seen that you love or respect him. That means your life is a lie. That means your relation to god is a lie, because you displace onto god the love that belongs to human loving. I'm sorry to be so hard, but you made it possible with this book. You send me the book to tell me that you know about integrity. But how can I respect you when your life tells me you don't respect yourself and are willing to violate yourself over and over, out of fear and social obedience. That is what I mean when I say that I can't learn from you. That is not to say that I don't respect the survival of as much of Anna in you as you have managed to keep. But it isn't good enough for me and it isn't good enough for you. How can I give up on you? Accept you as you are and accept the lie you have chosen to accept. I can't. It was you who were my Flynn and allowed me to keep as much of Anna as I did keep and, you know, you made me somebody who would be your conscience. Do you know that you made me responsible for your integrity? All through childhood I was responsible to be the voice of your negativity toward Father. What you refused to speak I was forced to speak for you. It was one of the things that made it impossible for Father and me to meet. Do you understand that. I want you to take responsibility back. I am tired of looking after you. It is arrogant of you to say that I don't know about the spiritual dimension of living. Surely a spirituality defined as big as Anna defines it ... Christianity revolts me but I am as much a seeker as you. Unless a person gives up father and mother and follows me ... spiritual life means giving up safety. It means trusting being. I forget, but the direction of my life is completely spiritual. I look for the right relation to the universe. Do you really not know this? Read the book again! Read Centering again. Hey, here I am lecturing you, it always happens in these letters. What a happy Christmas letter, am I going to have to not send it for months? Talking to Trudy on the phone just now I told her I was writing you. She said, You writing a love letter? I said no, I was lecturing you. She said, That's the kind of love letter you write. It's true. Aye? Did it hurt you to say you couldn't do much for us? But to be free! Oh I want that for you. I had to go to the post office to pick up the parcel when it came, and because I was carrying three heavy film cans, I disassembled the package in order to be able to carry it in pockets etc. It was a lovely moment at the counter, getting lost in a package. Seeds. A newspaper with another world in it. Wonderful socks. (Socks - probably the first time I've ever been delighted to get socks for Christmas. They are wasted on kids.) All my socks had holes and these are so mossy green and so warm. I've been dancing in them. Anytime you want to make socks ... I'll take Luke's things with me when I go to England on the 31st. Your twenty dollars will get him a cassette tape recorder with a microphone. Your twenty for me: I used half of it to send Cheryl and Trudy each a white orchid. The rest I don't know but I think a mother of pearl bracelet for me, a very beautiful thing I've been looking at in a window. My movie was on at the Cinemateque last night, the Vancouver art film theatre. I didn't go (I'd seen it) but my new community was there all in a row and (Cheryl tells me) they went out together afterwards and talked about it. How funny to have part of you telling people about you in your absence. The movie has made me friends among the poets and composers and painters in this town. Five hundred dollars of its making were yours. What a dowery you gave me. Do you ever think of that? It is a miracle. Thank you very much. I am writing a movie about the Peace River Country. If I get funding by next summer I will rent a car and come up and do some work on it. It takes me back to you, thinking about it so much. You'll see, you'll be part of my life again. Universe willing. This won't get to you by Christmas I suppose; good days to you Mary Konrad
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