origin 5 notes in origin index ellie epp

my mother has lost track of herself (or have I)





m: well, I don't know whether ... I don't know


whether he should know it, or whether he shouldn't know it,

I don't know there are many things


and, I mean if you can sort of keep that, the rest of it, out,

I don't see any sense in bringing it in if it's possible to sort of keep it out


d: yeah but what i'm asking is whether it is possible to keep

it out, also


m: well that, I don't really know, do I


d: yeah. no.





radio: (music) vers ou vous tournez maintenant,

qu'est-ce qui habite ...

au 'voir


small frightened voice:


but what I don't understand

(static crackles)

is how is crazy


thinkingisnot speaking

in craziness they I imagine someone

following her own version

(footsteps over)

when I was at that place and I thought I

would come here, oh -

(silence, washing sounds)

can I make that story up

can I make that story up in a voice i'm not

ashamed of

(nose blow)

there w- is no one else alive here

these people are safeinthearms of jesus

asleep evermore

when I look at them to see what it does for them

and I see they are like me


why is that a surprise

did I want jesus to be there

they are like me, but what is jesus in them?

and do I have to -

I made myself the witness against

jesus story and


(footsteps limping up)



(three knocks)




m: I dunno I don't uh you know I saw it right away

that the pictures were gone. I don't know why I noticed

it so soon. we came home late and still I saw it

right away the pictures were gone, and uh,

the first thought was, well, they better not be destroyed


underneath in my dreams I was having oh, what was -

it wasn't pictures that were gone, but my my, uh,



d: your journal!


m: sure, part of the, uh probably part of the meaning

of the pictures there


(washing sounds)

it was a bit easier to relate to you then,

you weren't so far away,


I don't mean geographically,


d: yeah I know what you mean


m; then. that was sort of the girl that wrote home,

wrl - wrote letters home


d: yeah

m: much oftener, and uh, showed more affection


d: yuh


m: all these things were part of it




d: but the, the voice that's in those letters, not

all of them but, but some of them is a very false



m: oh but some of the -- I mean, you will be misreading

some of it now too though, you wouldn't remember



d: i do remember, i do remember exactly