29 March 2005
Phoned Tom last night. He had been reading vol 2 most of the
day. Present and friendly. That volume is Jim Legg and David Beach. I said,
It's good writing isn't it. Silence. Some of it, he says. I laugh. I know
his sense of good writing is not exactly mine, although we'll agree at some
of the highlights. He wants to correct me when I don't punctuate the way
he would for a newspaper, questionmarks for questions. But said I use sentence
structure to do the work. Was angry once, something I said about men, probably.
I'm hard on them, I agree.
-
Dr Phan sez it's dry eyes and that the eye puff test this time didn't
show glaucoma in the R eye. Estrogen maybe.
I bought a Coolpix 2500 for Rowen on Amazon yesterday.
-
Sunday I laid a freshly opened pink lily on the scanner and made two
jpgs. There's the second on the screen across the room. It looks like a
Chinese ink painting. It also changes color when I move in the room. It's
exquisite. The background is like silk or parchment. The edges of two petals
are in sharp focus, the rest of the flower is just a bleed of color. it's
like a photo crossed with a painting on thick absorbent paper.
Louie gasped. Susan didn't comment.
Tue, 29 Mar 2005 20:48:17 'energy'
- > the metaphor thinks for us incorrectly
-
- you're right we don't conceptualize any of
this well
-
- > henderson: matter is a very condensed
form of energy
- > that matter is dense energy/ this feels
wrong to me
- > makes the relationship of matter and
energy materialist instead of energetic/ i.e I guess it seems to me that
we end up with a definition of energy that comes more on the terms of what
we know about matter/
- > cz that is the stuff to which we assume
we know ourselves/ the language we are taught
- > we learn ourselves as matter and try
to extrapolate 'back to' energy
-
- how are we imagining energy, how are we imagining
matter?
-
- we're cognitively evolved to perceive and
therefore to think at a certain scale, and that's more or less what 'matter'
means to us, naively. places, creatures, things. cognitive base level.
we have no choice but be materialist in this sense, it isn't how we're
taught, it's how we've evolved.
-
- but as theoretical terms 'energy' and 'matter'
both have to be imagined metaphorically. henderson was showing how she's
imagining them. how do you?
-
- > the problem we get into is that of being
one place and extending into whatever is outside that place
-
- expanding and contracting - why do we need
to call it energy - needing an explanatory frame for what is felt and sometimes
not felt - those flows - which are invisible and which seem to penetrate
the body rather than stop at the skin, the way heat or electrical charge
do.
- when I give off heat I don't say I expand
my heat envelope.
- there's a lot of work to be done to get the
alternative community to talk more perceptively. 'energy' is used for anything
invisible and unexplained.
Tue, 29 Mar 2005 21:31:40 'inward gaze'
- > /who/ is directing inward gaze
- > to what
- > how/ structurally? / is this "made
to happen"
- > where is it happening / i.e. / not the
focal point/ where or what is the organ/ network/ system of sight/ distribution
of effect
- > intention/ purpose of inward gaze
the metaphor of 'inward gaze' sets up these
questions
we use our eyes to see - outwardly.
we are also able to seem to see, to simulate
aspects of an act of seeing without actually seeing.
we are able to seem to see intentionally by
means of some of the same circuits by which we direct attention in seeing
- prefrontal areas often closely implicated with self talk.
the gaze isn't directed at anything - no objects
are being seen - activity in visual areas is being evoked so that we seem
to see.
look at the imagining chapter of being about
for how
it is happening by means of very broadly distributed
networks.
many sorts of purpose.
I think there are ways in which seeming to see
is used for actual perception, but by a sort of synaesthesic translation.
say we have a so-far-unexplained ability for distance clairvoyance. it wd
be some form of non-visual perception, presumably, but it might feed activation
into visual areas so we could get the actual nonvisual perception by simulational
visual means.
> how is inward gaze different from 'listening
to yourself' / 'listening to the body'
sometimes listening to the body means somatosensory
perception. it is inward and attention. 'inward gaze' isn't inward and it
isn't perception, though it is attention.
> operativeness of gaze
the cognitive significance of gaze control is
huge: pervasive, foundational.
evidence that eye control circuits are used
to organize a lot of kinds of attention, imagining, thinking, through motor
simulation / act metaphor.
gaze control is organized in vast areas of the
dorsal (old visual) stream - parietal and premotor circuits - a lot of cortex
because eye position and movement has to be correlated with so many other
things, body position, hand position, arm position, head position.
prepositions and gaze control - see the Talmy
papers in your bibliog
Talmy L 1983 How language structures space,
in Spatial orientation: theory, research, and application, H Pick and L
Acredolo eds Plenum Press
Talmy L 1996 Fictive motion in language and
'ception,' in Language and space, P Bloom et al eds MIT/Bradford
dreaming and rapid eye motion
eye control and language area near Broca's in
prefrontal - see the Rizzolatti paper in your bibliog
Rizzolatti G et al 1997 The space around us,
Science 277:190-191
deixis - see chapter 9 of BA
30
Lovely 6 AM. I walk out to unlock the gate and there's apricot behind
the cathedral. A quiet the birds have to themselves. Air alive.
Dry eyes. The drying out there has been - no crashing, no dreams worth
telling, no drive, no longing, steady competence when it's called for, and
that's all. Good works.
I dreamed last night that I was in bed and my quilt
stood up above me. I was thinking it was an occult electrical effect of
some kind and then dreamed on to explain it as a storm wind etc. I also
dreamed I was lying down with Dave Carter. He took off his clothes, had
a long hard-on. I stroked the smooth white skin of his ribcage, was it.
Still have Carolyn, Sean, Astro. Want to be done. Fed up with student
mediocrity. Being in service to it.
What else do I need to do before Louie comes.
Then I'll get back and there'll be a huge heavy packet 3. 4 long manuscripts.
A month before I can think of my own work.
I made about $1600 on this job for Scott. More than $1000 this month.
- -
-
- Thu, 31 Mar 2005 10:29:44 Re: shooting into the
air
-
- > why was yesterday dispiriting.
- > what's happening with you?
-
- de rien/ just my usual drama queen self/ getting
the paperwork together for my taxes is always a reality check/ will try
to answer yr question because my desire to side step the question is shame/
not to answer you wd be a kind of pushing you away that i don't want to
do/ but it won't be a sober answer--
-
- past three years of my life / terribly fragmented
/have lived in four homes / earned income in three states/ for small example/
certainly it began before that/ had somewhat hoped i wz coming out of it/
last year at this time wz seeming to settle down/ writing for a newspaper
/ not making a living but it was a start/ writing and hiking a lot/ and
so it went for six months until i followed that heart of mine/ you know
the one/ into yoga certification with the idea of deepening my practice
/ which led to me getting rid of two thirds of my belongings/ giving up
the newspaper/ volunteering at Kripalu for months/ enrolling in ayurveda/
enrolling in [the college]/ and now what / dropping the ayurveda/
-
- as my small savings account from selling the
condo bears silent witness to this erratic course/ the writing am doing
now asks exactly what it is I am placing my faith in/ what i think i'm
up to and i don't have any answer/ this heart of mine/ don't forget it
is the same one that l---s you in disregard of all my self castigation
about illusions/ u r in as good a position as any to judge its weakness/
is it only some series of misplaced synapse firings deranged by shock/
or is this just how it feels to do the work i need to do/ is there / as
i so often ask/ anything to trust in myself/
-
- i am afraid of myself/ is all/ afraid of what
i know i am asking myself to do/ and knowing better than my friends seem
to know about themselves/ what it is to lie to myself/ what other ways
of trying/ of putting myself aside/ of giving myself half/ of 'growing
up' / of doing the things i "should" do - and as i wrote yesterday/
shooting in the air/ loved that/ have reached that kind of nothing on the
far side of the canyon
-
- the nothing where end and beginning are a
snake with its tail in its mouth/ giving up the ayurveda/ and i can't quite
get to it/ they are bending over backward to help me stay in/ what is it
that drives me to let it go/ it's making the choice after all this / to
get in the boat/ is to stop mistaking the path for the journey/ the map
for the territory/ etc/ is to stop using words to cope and to begin to
demand something/ can't say from myself/ cz it seems i have demanded quite
a bit from myself already/ but from the life to which i have given my life/
and not to see it through the bitterness you prize in me/ or the light
that others coo over in my face/ but from this time-bound flesh whose breaths
simultaneously and as the same thing inscribe and efface my being
-
- what does it mean/ any of that/ know no more
about that than what u could mean by being a warrior/ or why i throw the
cards and light the candles and sleep among the stones/ only that i see
where i have come from as a truly scorched earth/ the horizon where i long
to see light remains dim or dark/ and for that I forgive the horizon/ am
struggling with forgiving myself/ i made these choices/ / i cannot ask
why i was made this way/ there isn't anyone else i would want to be/
-
Thu, 31 Mar 2005 08:39:31 Re: shooting into the air
- when I was in my late thirties, some years very lost and sad. there
was one sunday afternoon a gypsy telling fortunes in an aisle of the farmers'
market. she looked so much like a gypsy fortune teller I gave her $20 just
to find out what that is. she hardly pretended to look at my hand. I asked
with some desperation, but what sort of WORK should I be doing? she said
matter-of-factly something that had never occurred to me, you're the sort
of person you have to change all the time.
-
- so susan. if shame, self-castigation, foaming, terrified suspension,
are the matrix in which creation occurs, as is happening certainly, two
poems in two days, isn't it? then maybe are you already in the boat?
-
-
Shd I take Louie to the Baja, to San Felipe? I think so - 94 to Tecate,
3 to Ensenada, 3 across to San Felipe.
- when I loved you first / it was in a dead
cold
- room with a paper cup of iced tea in my hand
/ I
- had my coat on and / your face met mine
-
- across everything
-
- To which I said
-
- certainly I l--- you too, though that's not the point
To which she said
- certainly / gee whiz / and four more very
very lovely words right after it
-
- not the point / yeah maybe not / though
-
- certainly
-
- I melted when I read this
-
Today I did nothing with Sean's or Astro's silly packets. I sent Carolyn's,
then went through my file and found what there was about the Baja. Discovered
an office on Clairmont Drive. Had to go there right then. And buy Baja insurance
and books. Plants of Baja, phrase book, map, guidebook. Considering quickly,
wd it be too much to do.
I go to Dawne and look at the slope. Ceanothus blooming. Painted ladies
everywhere on the scented geranium which has spread ten feet. The matilija
poppies recovered
mostly. Honeysuckle smothering both edges. Olive. White salvia.
-
- Thu, 31 Mar 2005 16:07:00 Re: a good drive too
I bet
-
- > for some reason am thinking louie is
going with you rather than
- tom
- > won't there be flowers
-
- aren't you so clever and psychic - it is louie not tom. she is flying
down from vancouver on sunday. has never visited me here.
- she doesn't know it yet but i have been buying insurance and maps
for the baja. yes it will be flowers everywhere.
-
- Thu, 31 Mar 2005 19:06:16 pinkish brown one
-
- yes but how did you know it was louie - or anyone even - i have
often camped alone
-
- > > a surface that faces up without
a lid
- > > scanned / long exposure/ like you
are shooting them in a box somehow
-
- > this is when I was really psychic and
clever/ loved the fact that the box is your room/ a perfect camera
-
- Thu, 31 Mar 2005 22:30:19 Re: pinkish brown one
-
- Attachments: no other world.jpg
-
- > often camped alone
-
- know that
-
- you want me to tell you all my secrets/
-
- elfreda you talk a big show about energy /
then go thinking there's nothing in the field between us/ you told me yrself
is all/ and I only couldn't tell at first if you wanted I should say that
I knew/ cz why
- wouldn't you have just brought it into words
yourself
-
- personally/ would like nothing so well as
to go into the desert with you/ am glad for you with louie/ she will like
the surprise
-
- this is the dv still which i had with there is no other world
-
- Thu, 31 Mar 2005 20:45:20 not saying
-
- > the dv still
-
- aww...
- want to put my finger on that crease between your eyebrows and press.
- want to turn up the light
-
- > you talk a big show about energy
-
- but energy/connection doesn't mean you know everything.
-
- > couldn't tell at first if you wanted I should say that I knew/
cz why wouldn't you have just brought it into words yourself
-
- i don't ever want to not know you know. it's interesting to know
you know. it isn't because of wanting to be hidden. anything you can see
i'm glad for you to see.
- but, for one thing, if i told everything i wdn't find out you already
knew or didn't.
- experimenting.
- i've mostly told everybody everything but when i have an instinct
not to lately i don't. i check with the book to make sure it's not for
the wrong reason.
-
- i think not telling is sometimes BECAUSE of the field - it makes
a little shelter structure in the field, where i can be too easy to reach.
for instance with tom, if there is some small thing i am not telling him,
his unconscious pain doesn't seem to hit me with the same force. this is
something i've learned recently. i'm not sure it's really that, no way
to tell.
- what do you do about this one?
-
- Fri, 1 Apr 2005 21:45:40 english as a
second language
-
- > energy/connection doesn't mean you know
everything
-
- pequena diosa
-
- have spent much of my free time today thinking/
how to respond/ it
- would have been difficult for me to wait so
long to hear from you/ I
- apologize for the hours
-
- agree whole heartedly/ it doesn't mean I know
everything/ and of
- course/ it goes without saying/ I don't tu
vises when non quixeras tu
- vises
-
- "knowing" in this sense/ has been
a source of confusion to me from my earliest memory /it isn't simple for
me to parse it/ the gift if it seems to sit in a terribly lonely and maybe
as a child/ miserable place
-
- knew from the moment I read your email that
louie was going with you/ cried about it/ stayed as present as possible
to my many feelings /
- steadied with them/
-
- > what do you do about this one?
-
- wasn't very pleased with myself for wanting
to ask you/ and then felt I wasn't doing well with having it unspoken/
wanted to be my clearest self and just know whatever you say to me / nothing
other than that/ for me that's the best way to be with another/ in whatever
they want to have said/ known/ presented/ and I do fail at this/ though
/ slowly I get better
-
- you and I have been calm / even tender / with
each other of late/ has been a source of peace for me/ decided to err in
the direction of asking because I would rather seek out the confidence
between us/ I
- want your happiness / I want my own
-
- don't know how to answer the sort of situation
you give as an example because I simply don't matter in that way to anyone/
and should it happen that I am in such a situation where telling someone
something will be painful for them to hear/ not sure what i will do/ though
I agree with you that wanting not to be struck by the blunt force of someone
else's pain/ expectations/ their decision to live with certain ideas/ that
instinct is self preserving and self loving / must be
- accommodated / respected
1st April
It's about 8. My right eye scratched yesterday when I was weeding. I'm
scared about my eyes. Pressed about getting ready to leave. What else. Margo
[phoning] at 11. Shd I do taxes now. There'll be packets when I'm back.
-
Tom had money in his pocket and had impulse-bought me a teeshirt with
the word JEEP and two helmeted soldiers in a Wrangler. He hadn't worked
all week and has a pain in his groin he's scared is prostate cancer. Was
jonesing for a joint. I stopped kissing him.
What else. Millie freaking all day yesterday. Somehow wanting to collapse
and not go. Suicidal, she said.
What else. Eyes still mucky-feeling. Wearing sunglasses outside.
Wondering whether to risk the Baja.
I told Susan I was going to the Baja for a week and she immediately thought
it was with Louie and cried. Now she's saying she wants not to know more
than people want to tell her. I am going to growl.
What shd I do about Margo. They are investing in that new social action
program they've dumped on us. Now we're supposed to give 6 days to the stupid
retreat?!
It has been Saturday. This morning before Tom came I filed my US and
then my Canadian taxes and spoke to a lovely man at Canada Revenue. Took
my plot rent to the garden meeting. Laundry, and while it was washing, ordered
the back of the jeep. Then wandered North Park looking for a mattress for
Louie. Found a delightful one, black-covered in 3 parts folding flat. $85.
And then Whole Foods for soup and now it's evening. The soup was saffron
mussel. Eyes have been less sore today.
Last email from Millie said she was about to pack her computer.
- Sat, 02 Apr 2005 13:45:00 saturday aft
-
- > wasn't very pleased with myself for wanting to ask you
-
- that's the worst of my not having said it. I hate for anyone to be
in that position. am sorry. now that I know you'll know anyway I won't
do it again.
-
- > source of confusion to me from my earliest memory
- > seems to sit in a terribly lonely and maybe as a child/ miserable
place
-
- intelligence. inference of various kinds. maybe very empathic nets
reach conclusions from nothing more than the rhythm of a sentence, what
word comes before another when there are two ways to say it.
- what I meant to say is that even so it's spotty, it has its hits and
misses.
-
- for instance louie - she is like you in knowing uncannily - it is delightful
of her - and also there are things she surprisingly doesn't know. i wd
assume it is the same with you.
-
- >wanted to just know whatever you say to me / nothing other than
that/ for me that's the best way to be with another/ in whatever they want
to have said/ known/ presented/
-
- this makes me growl on your behalf - as if one shd put out one's eyes
because people don't want to be seen - I want you always to know anything
you can about me or anything - this is one of the things warrior means
- don juan's sort - it means being more loyal to knowledge than to belonging
-
- > will be painful for them to hear/ not sure what i will do/ though
I agree with you that wanting not to be struck by the blunt force of someone
else's pain/ expectations
-
- i said that in an unclear way. i wasn't talking about tom's unconscious
pain about something about me. i was talking about his unconscious pain
about something unrelated to me, which i have also found myself receiving
like a kick in the chest. i think maybe having just some small secret from
such a person can protect from being wide open to that sort of pain.
-
- i have in most of my life been scrupulous to tell the things that are
hard to tell, and that was because of not wanting to be what feels like
shut down. now I am not as sure I shdn't choose sometimes to be less open.
I ask the book each time.
-
- louie is arriving tomorrow morning. we'll probably not leave until
monday early and be back saturday night. if she says yes we'll go to san
felipe, which is on the sea of cortez. I was there once thirty years ago.
there were frigate birds and pelicans. the road is a two-lane through mountains,
which will be blooming. yes I will take pictures.
-
- am taking a bilingual paz, todo que no es piedra es luz.
-
- butterflies passing through in hundreds of thousands this week, painted
ladies, which are brown and orange. so many in eddies on the road that
it was like driving behind a woodchip truck.
-
- Sat, 2 Apr 2005 20:48:14 en mi boca/
piedra
-
- > more loyal to knowledge than to belonging
-
- will think about this/ but how i feel about the
choice is more / that it's not terribly self-interested on my part to be
being anywhere inside another person's circuits/ possibly under conditions
of invitation / intimacy/ even then/ some hesitation / i am still wired
for entanglement and working at getting that undone in me
-
- that said/ am in some wonder/ and content/ when
I feel you working when
- I am working/ or / v rarely/ imagine that you
are thinking of me/
- energetically/ i try to remember to route any
feelings I want to send
- your way through the larger field/ my attempt/
to have the energy shed
- any lint/ come to you as something like butterflies/
or whatever the
- universe knows you'd be touched by/ disinterested
in it being from me/
- satisfying to me in the sense/ that I know it
will show up as something
- beautiful/ and therefore please you/ it can't
get lost in being
- something the other doesn't like/ what has it
got to do with anything/
- it being from me / except my ego/ and that isn't
really love is it
-
- are you all packed? you must be excited/ to get
out into the good air/
- to be not forlorn but well companioned/ to sleep
under the stars
-
- i'll be at kripalu when you get back
-
- Sat, 02 Apr 2005 20:20:46 saturday night
-
- > packed?
-
- most of the camping stuff lives in the jeep, it's more a matter of
- depacking the gardening stuff, spading fork, pickaxe, brush out the
mud, which i did on the parking lot of the laundromat, and then wandered
away into north park looking for a camping mattress, only had one. found
a beautiful one, can i describe it, 4 inch foam but cut in 3 panels so
it folds and doesn't have to be wrestled with. so satisfying, a nice thing.
- it's black. i keep thinking of it fondly.
-
- > i'll be at kripalu when you get back
-
- then write while i'm gone if you want
-
- if you have an atlas look for tecate on highway 94 south out of san
diego, it's on the border, then highway 3 west to ensenada and then 3 again
east across the mountains to join 5 running south to san felipe.
- i only have seen the stretch from tecate to ensenada. it is a high
silent road with little traffic. i once, it was christmas day, felt a huge
slumbering spirit at the height of that road. tom was with me that time.
neither of us were talking but much later when we were home that night
i said, you know that stretch of road ... and tom said just what i'd felt.
- it was a presence. very ancient feeling.
-
- traveling companions: one never knows how it will go. with louie it
is often fraught, but maybe we have calmed down now.
-
- paz's simple concrete non-social spanish is how i'd like to learn it.
-
- todo tu cuerpo era escritura
- acuerdate
- recobra la palabra
- eres hermosa
-
- Sun, 3 Apr 2005 00:07:57 Re: saturday
night
-
- > tom said just what i'd felt
-
- you are so very close to both of them/ how did
you ever arrive / where
- you are not settled in the arms of either of
them/ being one of
- schopenauer's porcupines/ pushing and shuffling
and prickling/ but
- anyway/ struggling the love you have/ and not
without the consolation
- of the other's hands/ and
-
- how did you/ come to a pass where you say of
yourself/ is it irony
- again/ that you are a simple philosopher/ what
made you reach out of
- your art and grab on to this crag as the waters
of your creativity
- carried you by it/ what roughness did you want
-
- you see not only don't i know everything/ i don't
know anything/ there/
- a bit of foam for you
-
- my father wrote to me today to say he is worried
about me/ it made me
- cry/ he said he knows it isn't any of his business
-
- my father is an avid birder/ and one of his closest
friends the past
- few years is a lesbian/ it is one of those gentle
ironies of life that
- he has become such good friends with her/ and
sees the happiness she
- has with her partner/ that he no longer thinks
it such an aberration/
- it makes me love life/ that things like this
change this way/ in
- particular you know/ that the change comes about
through such long and
- quiet things
-
- things will be good with louie/ i can feel it/
why after all would she
- come at last/ now / to see you in SD/ you will
be happy to be near her
- and that's what will make her happy too/
-
- thx for route
-
- i will write to you only if you promise to write
to me when you get
- back / even though you'll feel my cold room/
not as cold in april. but
- the books with their ears up/ wanting my buzzing
network for their
- words
-
- tell me to go to bed if you are not going to
write to me tonight
- anymore/ i am fooling with edelman/ o/ slow me/
tried to sleep/ but
- this time it was you who woke me
-
- what is this word acuerdate?
-
- > eres hermosa
-
- surely you are being sentimental or yr spanish
is indiscriminate
-
- xo
-
- Sun, 03 Apr 2005 06:14:37 sunday 5AM really 4
-
- > not settled in the arms of either of them
- pushing and shuffling and prickling
-
- yup
-
- > and not without the consolation
- of hands
-
- though louie's consolation is not her hands, which are nice hands but
small. it is her devoted and curious nature, the way she loves to eat and
laugh and enjoys herself and likes to talk to me about novels and was brought
up in such a good family that she can be responsible without being tight.
-
- > how did you/ come to a pass where you say of yourself/ is it irony
- again/ that you are a simple philosopher/ what made you reach out of
- your art and grab on to this crag as the waters of your creativity
- carried you by it/ what roughness did you want
-
- simple is a bit ironical but not exactly or only. was a philosopher
before i was an artist. when i was 17 i bought a book called <the age
of analysis> about 20th c philosophy. was reading that in a pink bedroom
in sexsmith alberta. at college it was clear i had a talent. there was
a professor who quietly championed me, martyn estall. i'm saying his name
because he died at ninety just before i defended my diss. he got me the
graduating medal and a woodrow wilson nomination. a beautiful spirit, much
more beautiful than i knew at the time, because he lectured very slowly.
-
- my gift was clarity, i could see through conceptual confusions. a sort
of voyant man at the gardens said the name he was given for me was she
who sees to the center. i think i can do it because i keep a connection
to a simple nonverbal mind, and i think i have that because when i was
two and learning to talk i was taken out of speech for seven months. i
went into the hospital speaking german and came out speaking english, and
in between was i am sure spoken to very little. logical talent in my father's
family but there it was uneducated and went cranky, for instance an uncle
who was a baptist preacher who spent his last years writing instructions
to youth which, when he died, his widow left in a box at the goodwill.
uncle willie. an aunt, his sister, who wrote stuff for church papers on
the theme of wives be subject to your husbands.
-
- what was happening in philosophy when i came out of college was unendurably
sterile, there was no sort of juicy life to be made in it, though the guy
i beat for the medal went on to oxford and is a name.
-
- 1989 when i went back to school was the year patricia churchland published
<neurophilosophy>. my first day at sfu, drinking coffee in the cafeteria,
i overheard people at the next table talking about it. evelyn fox keller's
book on mclintock was before that, and gleick's book on chaos. the intellectual
landscape started jumping in the late eighties. it started coming my way.
-
- i think <being about> is more significant than anything i've
done in art, i was not as good an artist as i wanted to be. in art i minded
more when people didn't like it. in philosophy i'm very steadfast about
my value.
-
- > my father wrote to me today to say he is worried abut me/ it made
me cry/ he said he knows it isn't any of his business
- > that the change comes about through such long and quiet things
-
- do you have a picture of him you can send
- that you have a father who can be worried about you
- is he still with his brother's widow?
- i like to hear he's a birder though i find the lists an oddly bureaucratic
way to be with nature
-
- > i will write to you only if you promise to write to me when you
get back
-
- okay
-
- > tell me to go to bed if you are not going to write to me tonight
-
- i went to bed at 7:30 after changing the time to 8:30.
-
- > what is this word acuerdate?
-
- facing page sez remember
-
- > eres hermosa
-
- eres
-
volume 8
- in america volume 7: 2004-05 december-april
- work & days: a lifetime journal project
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