dames rocket 8 early 1978 notes & summaries  work & days: a lifetime journal project [These seem to be summary-sortings of reading notes over some time. At the end of this page a biographical summary with photos.] Te. The result of action in destiny, latent power in an event, the te of the Tao Te Ching is to master the complex questions by reducing them to alternate states of unity and simplicity. He must not speak of stages of mind and experience which are not his own, neither must he speak much to his teacher of his own stage. Deep knowledge. Wisdom of how each word or agent acts. Recognition of each agent in the work. Recognition of the agent through thought. arif - recognizes meanings without reflection. makam - stage - degree of permanent knowledge hal - a gift. Sporadic without methodology. Imagination can make any quality relative From Anywhere contradiction, unsafety From Nowhere safety   The brilliance of being in love That is when people meet in the same world What reminded me was the story of --- loved --- from when she was twelve to when she was seventy. Thinking. J on detective story. Doesn't go through sentences. Tries out positions. That's the land of geometry. The best way to clear one's mind was to commune with nature for a time. Inner Light. Quaker. Divine presence, guidance and certainty To suspect What is it neither name nor picture the thing told by both. Binol training Works at bare name to. Visual fascination. Wings/sails The mentat. Firmness and sincerity. Begriff. The associative functions / automatic. Taking doubt seriously. Some part of the dreamer's thoughts are already always ... and all one has to do is hear them and thereby move to the other country of waking. Work that isn't about safety Repetitious systems create an atmosphere of attainment or nearness to attainment, without actually producing it. By virtue of transmutation, a conscious part of the living reality of all being. Perceive the ramifications of an event. Hypnotism assumed. Cannot come from a rearrangement of familiar ideas but through recognition of the limits of 'thinking' which is good for mundane purposes. Employing materials from anywhere for one's own use. Rationalization. (Intuition.) Destroy your house (fixed thinking) and with the material you'll be able to build thousands. - Structures. "An hour past I saw a woman died." How she hangs that music in the air Whatever shines can see What you had when I saw what you had Dancehall: a moth A white dog going through on its own mission The nun Erde who with her collaborator, the monk Emeterius, painted the illustrations in the Beatus Apocalypse There is a furred line up and down of a mountain The layer of people seeing, children in the underbrush Frightening the marrow of each other She said the last bits before the oneness The glint of tongues Mittelhochdeutches Taschenworterbuch Roused the spirit of the deep and called up a rush of water What we were flying on that we can't find now (open heaven) a certain rare moth fluttering at the edge of the tide, just at the end of evening Hollyhock many wings a flying galley Hollyhock many sail a parachute school On the great looms unfold silent gardens of deepest red. They came back out of the bodies of the two mortals in dark clothes. For there are some living yet can remember her coming to the pattern. who changed four of his kisses to birds. who would pass in sleep into countries of the most unearthly beauty and who never cared for anything but to be busy about her house temporary images that can be thrown in water Friends Learning quick deciphering Quick refusal of the distractions   Capillarity Potential difference The attraction of this subject for Einstein   Osmosis Night the time of osmosis of persons   The work that comes of a marriage Tidal?   Information Exercise   Variations of two: list Have to let something out to get the hound to wake up Displace We friends or people like us is how they refer to themselves Divert their attention into mainly emotional commitments The organs by which the people survived were also made the organs of enjoyment, physical and mental. Communication cannot be prevented. Distortion of the shared reference world Set them up to admire them and then reassure Later was to refer to him as his own soul. "Attar traversed the seven cities of love, and we have reached only a single street." Detachment, by companionship Deep calling to deep Men of the heart, the inward people Evil, only as non-being Being, if attained completely, replaces it They are able only to prepare themselves for the association of a master. They cultivate trust, patience and contemplation. They must eat together, a state of complete equality. Every heart is the other heart. Every face is the other face. Love neighbour as thyself. I experienced every pleasure because I gave myself to none, but held myself apart, indissoluable, a mirror. Forgetful of our own names and actions and yet in perfect possession of ourselves Must not support themselves at the expense of the more incomplete - When I've had my soul Oxford with Roy Sexsmith First year U Luke The traveling year Place What one worships, becomes Build up over a long time the presence of the devata They are not uncertain about the future life, contented. They have nothing more to attain, do not covet or hoard, free of crookedness or busybodying. Merciful, care nothing for profit or loss, help everyone. Love all creatures, being free from anger. Stay where they want, fear no one, particularly fond of music, have a radiant inner vision of the whole. - About the gods The god of a place which has a god must be courted slowly. Every drug is a god but possibly can teach you only itself. When I was a child the landscape gods spoke powerfully to me, and to me more than anyone I knew. Has love always been mutual? I'd like to relive. Learn to relive. The god of grace looks like me at my best. You too Grandpa. Verifications. Sacred/cursed. Anxiety and religion. The law of attraction. Distrust of it. Randomness. Principles of work. Paian paiein to strike, to touch forcibly, to touch so as to heal. Peony. Song of praise. The oracle called Answer. Certitude. The arrived. Stone - hidden, forbidden, essence. Hermes, who carried the souls of the dead to the underworld, carried messages from the gods, invented the lyre, music. Wisdom, medicine, letters. Hypnotic activity. Female double, keeper of books of ancient wisdom, builder of temples. The story of the stream trying to cross the desert. The desert says "Allow yourself to be absorbed by the wind." "But if I do I may never exist again." "Don't you know the Wind lets you down again, as rain which again becomes a stream. When you become a river again men will call you by a different name but you will know yourself." The desert tells because it can see the whole extension. The way in which the stream of life is to carry itself on its journey is written in the desert floor. Steadiness. Considering god to be watching. - The late metaphysical clown of Munich A stream of subtle moving aether passing through envelopes of increasing density to a world sphere. Color out of colourlessness / born Marry is river 100 wakings   I know you've been there all night You're my shore and mark   White square threads blanket Bluer white porous far wall plaster Black the parallel threads your hair, with its white polish I looked across your hair We move dimly toward the journey by line - jumping into darkness off earth maybe there's not long to live   Pour in love toward the thought of work and you there to see and help it The good one you are and goodbye swimming in eros Goodbye all you pretty ones if I marry Jamila   I had my old cross love in my arms deep home In your arms it's a strange place a brown polish warm wood I will make you a sunporch You made us a silver-legged bed we stood on trees I forgot to tell you about the guest bedroom my iron bed under a tree   A door frame with nothing around it how did you know? I saw it your filing cabinet, glass incised a riddle, rain on it Window into ground well, a pool, room, a path   Oh girl of the highrise deep city your hands make me laugh I'll raise timbers for you keeping books it dreamed you   Away in the old worlds make paradise gently, as you know how Willing the stream disappears into the window   Scattered places trails Fires, mirrors, witches, education, and sky   Scholar drinks scotch in the library I go out and stir the garden We come home for spring breakup The cosmos changes, from the sidereal tent to the smallest gesture - Writing Words move in a world of their own connected only tenuously to reality Writing can make landscapes and put monuments in them Communicating in luminous symbols The voices I would like lodged in mine Adumbration definition Magical sequence Invention of the languages of other cultures Beautiful science fictions Religion / pursuit of joy Focus what's been learning The sense of destiny, myths Language's fans The free run of oneiros Borges reproduces mental process with precision   In the element of language part of the statement comes from another language. Contour map with shadow of airplane   The tension of understatement / in music the missed beat Parallel structure The voice as if alone The name of a country pronounced by a native of the country   Definition (file) The existential energies and the energies of the medium The two responses to be felt as the same Imagination. Articulating the potencies latent in the premise I choose to work from, transformation of elements Love. Perfect devotion to a muse. Tale. Bridge between worldly and transmutation of consciousness. Regenerative force Baraka. An irreducible minimum which answers a call which grows when it is invoked Saving up is experience lost Poetry is so sublime, has so many possible meanings, is so full of fantastic imagery that it can exercise a magical effect on the reader. Regarded as the product of the most advanced development possible to [humans]. Ibn Arabi the Interpreter of Desires - The worlds The Perfected Man because of living in different dimensions at the same time Three frameworks of belief - surroundings, students according to capacity, inner experience An outward and an inward, they do not operate together although they both work consistently in own dimension. Alchemy of Happiness Al Ghazali One of four Peaceful Self. Essence reorganizing emotional life and preventing confusion. Accusatory Self, conscience Commanding Self, mechanism for indulging the primary satisfactions At every stage in development a new mystery or change in perception is involved The dervish must not shun temptation by flight Religious lore, to keep from getting lost Rapture and existence Experiences this state when he is primitively linked with sensual qualities and has little understanding of a depth of them The state of acquisition, perception of real existence When the complete alchemicalization has taken place, there is no duality. They are constantly in the state of presence and they are not hidden from either world. Living in the mildest part of the air, which is called the Meadows of Hades, where they must remain for a certain time. And then, as if they were returning from a wandering pilgrimage or long exile into their country, they have a taste of joy, such as they principally receive who are initiated into secret mysteries, mixed with trouble, admiration, and each one's proper and peculiar hope. Heroes - green light - forests and fire images Ordinary human - a yellow light Animal - blue - images of caves and deep holes Unsatisfied spirits - red light - desolate plains and forest wastes Hell - smoke-colored light - wailing, black and white houses, black roads along which you have to travel Language   The part of a bird it is named for. Song. Each wind had its name.   A scholar learning words from all the languages ON glossi spark, blaze L glossa a difficult word Gk glossa a foreign word   The roots of words Steadiness - remembering the sight of god on you Contemplation, watching Yesterday is dead Those concentrating on exercises connected with past or future were in a state of destruction The safety and the salvation of the people is in their being engaged in the ordinance of time. The Science of State. Gradations of hal are observed and applied. Interactions of states of mind and relation to physical happenings in surroundings. Science of certainty, truth revealed through special states. - Precincts A place where the roof is water moving, a suspended in river place A ritual action in which to experience the sense of doing and being done Sacrilegus a stealer of sacred things. A gatherer, hence a stealer, of. Legere to gather. Sacer sacred, hence accursed Houses - the astrological House of knowledge and faith: circle of friends House of housing and old age: security House of learning and short journeys The house of long journeys and marriages and abstractions House of desire is also house of death Totems can also be a star, rain or a direction of the wind. Accompanying a teacher through a comprehensive experience. Zikr remembering, first oneself then shifts to harmony with greater consciousness. Countryside. Places which receive puja. Maybe a cluster of red-painted stones in the corner of a field, or a boulder on a hillside, one face of which is painted red. Leave flowers, a squeezed handful of rice. In the Western tales is a whimsical grace. The people who recount them live in the most wild and beautiful scenery, under a sky ever loaded and fantastic with flying clouds. - Physical pieces Body / instinct / scale The experience The idea of the experience Crystals - you can see into the solid - the cube of home Objective art based on laws Music to make us feel religious Architecture to make us weep Baraka = homecoming Realizing that human beauty was connected with divine reality Black cubic temple - kaaba - understanding Helpers - totem - imitate the spirit of the thing or animal inside Consciousness is no longer dominated, in the richness and beauty of the world The unconscious no longer projected Plane disks on an axial thread The plexi circle The land houses/pieces Courtyard gardens irrigated by canals that came in under the outer walls The Interior Yantra - call and condense a certain energy Content and concentration A pattern essenced from a more fully diagrammed Drive each other to a higher pitch to concentrate an emotive and psychic The yantra of the Planets, which promotes all kinds of peace. If the guardians of the directions and all the planets are worshipped, they grant all desires. Cosmological diagrams Body, groundplan Crystal/diamond Jaina diagrams bands of progressively dense matter projecting from outer space into the universe - Green the color of initiation and nature Travel: programs for travel and the way its experience is to be used: the 12 rules of travel Power and simplicity a traveler acquires To reverse space: to become receptive Shibui - two opposites in precarious balance Karumi - lightheartedness that overcomes the burden of the past and consciously ignores the shortcomings of the future while doing the unconventional The best way is to make a medicine of the illness Who would call in a foreigner? - unless an artisan with skill to serve the real, a healer or a prophet, or a builder. - Drugs Addiction Imagine loving an addicted person, following them into the drug and getting her out. Finding the soul where it is Attar the chemist or perfumer To go away, depart, have an eye tumor To forsake one's country, to live abroad The setting of a star, to be absent or remote To be obscure, something not well understood, to become a stranger To go west To do or say strange or immoderate things, to laugh immodestly, to run swiftly, to go far into the country To find a thing strange, extraordinary, also, to laugh to excess Edge of a sword, tears, etc Toadstool (literally bread of the crow, of the intricate, of darkness, of the strangeness) a certain sensation which is true fervour and which is associated with love. After a period of abstinence from wine or bread, the detachment from attachment, this force which is a form of Opening comes about. The Sufi illuminate is far from the crack and fissure of deception which is distortion Dawn after dark, bread after fast Intensive physical and mental action, intuitive and unpremeditated To cleave, to split a thing, to find out, to begin, to create a thing A mushroom To break a fast To split or crack Natural disposition, religious feeling, submission to the divine Unleavened bread, haste, unpremeditated action A small flat cake The Creator A worthless man, empty, blunt A blunt thing, like a blunt sword Technology of the sacred, to call presence into the holy place The exaltation and the messages that came to me from bits of hawthorn All heroes are bold toward food. - Movies The Exercise of the Pause of Time Sufi meetings ritualistically perpetuate the alternation of light and darkness. One such method is to lay cloth of alternate black and white on the floor, another is to alternately kindle and extinguish the lamp. Folk art. The simplest most powerful thoughts of a time. The gradual heightening of interest Mastery of the crafts by using likeness of the primal stuff A region Estrangement, magic Co-extension person and space Oh mother landscape and in it the family Dreamtime Landscape / language / location Te of poetry is to intoxicate us so we do difficult steps easily Kuan what is seen in an abnormal state - Sickness and cure Woke frightened from a dream about lumps under the other arm too. Asked for a curing dream. Dreamed myself in a hospital with other people. Wandered, but toward the end dreamed myself in a bed tasting myself as I've known myself, in joy, fully there. It was a dream to find me or give me a memory of myself - in that I thought I should give up drugs and drinking (but then I remember the heaviness of the good people) - also I remembered the force of my beauty when I had it and knew I had it, the way it was a pressure on the side of my face, the as if supernatural beauty no one acknowledged, a moral beauty that comes from travel/solitude. Then I dreamed going back to the East Place, finding a perfect road made in the perfectly kept extent, summerfallow, then grain, buildings, one had incorporated the old house, a back door open, glass jars, a bed with mosquito netting; went to look for the lawyer, his friends with grotesque faces, were they sorcerers, such developed faces. He was downstairs alone in a gymnasium sitting on a lifeguard's highchair. I (we, Judy and Paul) called up to him and by my excited love for the farm, brought him down simple and happy. Imagined curers journeying into the experience of the sick one and there unbending a bent. When I sat stoned by the oven I imagined a continuum with knots in it, and imagined going to the knots and opening them. Communication between minds. By means of the tasarruf exercises, which clear the individuality, there is an interaction of minds. The nerve, the magnificence, of Penelope. - Music Dangers in use of music and movement without inner perception of what these are. Dervish not to move while listening to music - Writing - lists of allied Ragas - nuances of erotic - tone-color, rhythm, melodic pattern. Duet. In love with a divine lover. Forms of art stimulate latent traces in different experience modes. Mind tastes them, in sequence. Puts it in a special state transcending emotive contexts and becoming conscious intellectually and emotionally of itself. Tantric ritual is an art, made by those with an instinct for it. All emotion is response to stimulation by harmonic movement. By oscillation. In some Tuareg tribes the women perpetuate the old culture and know old Libyan writing and literature. Spartan women: an old cloak their dress. Very little food, substance can be better formed by nature if it is light. Representational art not cultivated, but music poetry song hunting, calisthenics. Free of jealousy or snobbishness, naively, and in rapturous awe having the same boy or girl, in turn, formed a common bond between their lovers who competed in their ability to educate and promote their youthful friend. Weddings preceded by a public wrestling match of the naked couple. After the match a servant girl received the bride, shaved her head as a gesture toward the ancient sacrifice to Aphrodite, dressed her in male garments and shoes, placed her on the straw. - I woke in the otherworld, dilated, and so, frightened. Then I went back to sleep and woke in this one. Practicing piano (not music) as if disbelieving, as it is on the phone. I tell you my experience as near as I can, because I want you in both worlds with me (my Chinese soul). You're the detective. Your senses. I have to believe that I know and not suspect hidden structure. If consciousness is responsible for what it doesn't know it cannot work. What lesbianism is. There's one the devil has taken. In my dreams I worry about a social studies exam / destination / employment. her mind so sensible that she could not be deceived by any illusion or enchantment. She who had rejected an aura that should distinguish her from others. Her religion was truth to nature. a moment extended, revolving like another planet inanimate objects to whom she endowed her speculative consciousness She was ever luminous, a mind which could leave the body. Startling him by her exact knowledge of inexactitude, some recent event in his unperceptive memory. Suddenly he would remember what he had not seen or heard. the power of love to alter inanimate things and make them live [Yeats] - Veilings and incorrect use of essence. Conditioning. Negligence - lack of awareness of needs of a situation - alertness Fatigue - lack of constancy of purpose - exercises Greed - desire for more - austerity and piety Avarice and parsimony - envy - certainty Illusions of importance - qualities of deity Desire for praise and love - Hypocrisy - self pride, pseudo-independence - humility Separation - rationalization used to justify self-centredness - sincerity Desire - ignorance of what's good - austerity One feels oneself to be a god and now strides in the same enraptured and exalted way as the gods in dreams were seen to stride. Our 'will' as dreamer "That other will of ours which appears as our Fate" [sketch] Trying to preserve self separately from existence in the world - the mind within the mind stilling the mind, to go through the perceived to the perceiver This is called getting into the birdcage without setting the birds singing Here language fails, the quietists say, from it you get truth, happiness and the siddhis the valiant, the magnanimous, the strong of will are those whose chi pervades their whole body. Growth of spirit by tranquil conscience, other means are forcing. The morally great is one who keeps through later years the child heart. - My situation as I understand it in the other world. The anxiety is this: there is a certain look I need to have, and the state in that look is ease, pleasure, right existence, salvation. Evil They don't want me to get away. The influence which was causing this trance was out of harmony with itself, in other words, evil. After a struggle I got rid of the black clouds and was able to observe with my ordinary senses again. the invoker appeared to be gradually increasing in power and I began to feel as if the tide of darkness was pouring from him and concentrating itself about me. What would happen if one of your spirits had overpowered me? You would go out of this room with his character added to your own. For there are many go wandering and forgetting like that, when once they have been given the touch. A person is not an object and cannot be harmed. The void and person shining into it The stupifiers who offer food - Knowing where the tensions are Sobriety / enchantment Ordinary life / 'art' work Order, decision, balance   Spiritual poverty / this world Solid world / everything is consciousness Goodness / the choices made from predilection   Description / invention A form of art   Times of fullness awe incapacity The god of the 'abyss'   The fear of losing one's soul, a fear common among those who don't have unbending intent Possession / control Fairies, beings   keep our natures simple and passionate our culture, sincerity and self realization, makes us gentle and passive That stone, which he that knoweth layeth upon his eyes Whatever demon was pressing manifestation, work progressed through an interaction of impulse (spontaneity) and judgment (consideration) in relation to the physical acts of mixing, heating, adding, subtracting, cooling and observing metals. Fermentation, putrefaction, sublimation of the metals, will have to be matched by analogous motions in the conjoined hearts of the artifex and soror mystica. Divinity called into bodies and materials. The deity lost and sleeping in matter Liberation of god from the darkness of matter Meditation, fasting and prayer, help of holy ghost An ineffable material being called into the stone - How to question enchantment The rumour of underworld You have to be chosen by them You have power in relation to danger You have to wrestle with it and compel it to give human gifts Law of imagination, being possessed the Forgetful People, as the faeries are sometimes called Adventiure. Event, occurrence, a marvel, an accident, a bold beginning of uncertain outcome, a fortune occurrence, a destiny. manifestation of this hidden Being of beings particularly in certain heroic individuals. Singers and harpers from the Land within the fairy hills. They open out behind, toward the universe. The voice of a man so pleasantly at song that everyone of them deemed this the most marvelous greeting and adventure. Like a falcon on a bough she let rove her two eyes, which together sought their prey, neither gently nor yet too intently, so smoothly flying, silently and sweetly hunting, that there were many eyes to whom her flashing mirrors were a wonder and field of delight. on the tide of blazing mind old Arabian master alchemist Muhammad ibn Umail at-Tamimi, Book of the Silvery Water and Starry Earth was at work in a zone to which tracks do not lead - catch basin eroding vanity not appeal to hope and fear except to get out of them edifices of self importance beyond the fiction of self is god (reality) their self is dead   the North and South of sobriety and intoxication specific needs of times, places and people   (if it's big enough) You only have to feel something in relation to any of it. Imagine wisdom and conscience. Take it on.   Outside What I want: to feel myself sensitive to world, not less than anyone. If I'm with you, to feel you open far in and me too. Freedom of movement - in town. 1. is there a self to find and lose 2. are my friends wicked 3. can I adopt a making fiction / helpless posture / lovable 4. how to use this person's gifts for - ? - The long epic dream, churchyard, a house, I'm afraid of the fiddling marauders at the lane, Luke and Judy asleep - the end of it is that they're invited in and Judy likes being raped, leaves a humble kumquat in front of the boy. And my boy's nice too. I wake and reflect that I'm toadying femininely. Go back to sleep and the sister is stood up by the bridegroom, the sister's name is Sheila. A guntoter, a little girl who resembles the Chinese/Indian family. When the relatives come it all starts over but I wonder if the bride, stood up once, should give it up. I don't like my position. I was driving or protesting that I could. Kitten/sister/little girl. Judy/Sheila/bride.. Stood up by the bridegroom / a guntoter "my married sister" - Things to recall Mennonites Possession self possession Being passive where the medium is most tenuous The versions of organization Religion sin Freud/Jung repression   Defeat and victory Strategies for Lacan etc World-self right-wrong existence Hope and fear Remake as experience I'm stuck with the idea of divine ("only the most intelligent ") Trust and anxiety Wondering about religion and whether it's possible to live in a way that coincides with the structure of religion in me. Idea of unconscious. Magic. Bewilderment. Sit it out, peacefully. - February 1978 Movie about underground transparencies of earth at depths hanging earth inside / crystals grow out very black and white with little color as moon   rocks to edge of frame the rock on that island cracks / cracks / cracks sound underground in a crack a buzz? the literal and mythological a low sound clack make a wicked / dangerous / poisonous / dark / essay Erde dirt whispers (Zoe) notes on the marrying and friends magical structures. Irish stories notes on possession / unconscious - Story of the bull The bull's curly white face looking at me through the tall garden, baby's breath, I can't leave, he comes right for me. Field with a white bull, he came close I wanted to get through the field to the barn or some high place, found a way but then wasn't sure he couldn't come around the back. - Imagination I had learned from McGregor Mathers so to suspend the will that the imagination moved of itself. - She travels and stays at home She creates devata of elements She struggles with marriage She writes songs and jokes - [a series of pages each labeled as a year of my life, the first few with notes] 1945 Last winter month. A house with sunporch windows? For a week. Other babies, other women, a young man visits, other people less often, they think I belong to them. A sleigh home. They keep me under the blankets, heavy, and I'm with her there. Another house, warm, even hot. A small shallow box. Do I see open sky? Suitcase, he's home most days and do I feel the irritation? She's important with me, at church they gather round to see. The pretty mother did well and he knows it. In his sincerity he doesn't try to be fatherly but then it's dry outside and the horses and the fields and she does the garden while I sleep on the big bed and I get set outside for pictures. A grandmother (two, but the other isn't in the pictures.) Crawling in autumn. Big dog Bingo smart and good likes me. Trees and picket fence very tall. Woodpile? Cowbarn. Horses and cows huge. People too. At church music. Little children. Strangers with smells, loud, getting more familiar. Winter. Inside his bad temper, she likes to be alone with me but not only. How was it before? Christmas, their young friends have fun. The war is over but they're still high. In the community they're ashamed. Long winter, small house. Are they pent up? She does hard work. [three photos of a baby] 1946 Spring again. Let out of the house, walking this time, running, and better and further as summer goes on. A long season. She's speaking language, he's the one to watch out for close up when he comes in, don't be messy with egg it makes him gag. She's a singing and talking one, sometimes, not often, there are young children to fight with. Older ones come and stay. Strangers arrive at the house and are too forward. There is more than one night in a day. The house has hot and cold places, dark and light. Under the bed. Space to fall in, sometimes it rushes by. Such strong smells. This autumn the yellow. Winter a snowsuit and white. Christmas has an inside tree. [photo of one year old standing] 1947 [photo standing holding a nasturtium, photo of my mother's family, me as two year old standing with arms crossed] 1948 Hospital 1949 [studio photo of my mom's family, I'm wearing a plaid skirt, my sister as a baby is sitting on my grandmother's lap] 1950 [family portrait, my mother, father, sister and brother on a lawn with a small aspen behind us][added: flowergirl at Mary Wiens' wedding] 1951 [photo of Judy, Paul and me in front of the picket fence] 1952 [photo with small cousins on the lawn on Clearbrook Road, school portrait from grade 2] 1953 [two 8th birthday photos] 1954 1955 1956 [photo with Judy, Paul and cousins in front of the red and white home-made camper] 1957 1958 [photo booth picture in pink dress, yearbook photo of Mrs Christianson's grade 7 and 8 class] 1959 [photo in bridesmaid dress with family in the Clearbrook Road dining room opening presents, photo with brothers and cousins on Grandma Konrad's back porch] 1960 [Reiner's photo of fifteen, red dress photo I asked Judy to take] 1961 [photo with Frank, photo with Aunt Lucy] 1962 [photo from the Vancouver wharf, photo Frank took, photobooth picture from the Stratford trip] 1963 [school photo from grade 12 in Sexsmith] 1964 [hitchhiking photo with Rasheed in a Queens jacket, Queens photo taken by Dennis Stamp, photo with Grandma and Grandpa K] 1965 [photo with Judy taken by Norman on the Konrad grandparent lawn] 1966 [photo with Jean-Jacques Gate and other young men on a ridge in Greece, photo taken by Bill Volk in an art gallery, photo with Jerry and Mitchell in Rome, two photos from a living room above the Grande Place in Brussels] 1967 [photo with a Paul Klee picture in my bedroom in Kingston] 1968 [photo in Kingston General Hospital of me and Judy, taken by Michael Bopp] 1969 [naked picture taken by Peter Harcourt] 1970 [photo booth pictures taken in Paris] 1971 [photo with baby Luke taken by Roy] 1972 [photo washing bottles in front of Cartreff, a cottage in Wales] 1973 1974 [Andy's photos of me with Luke] 1975 Eton St [photo of Luke in a big hat, photo with bike by Paul] 1976 Strathcona [photo with short hair in sheepskin vest, Women's Interart Co-op first exhibition notice] 1977 1978 [colour xerox of Jam at a concrete table on Lan Tau Island, passport photo] - Configurations: what 'men' have in them, worries, sorrows, etc 48 is our number, I don't know why. Don't waste your power. What's the alternative to power. Internal dialogue Necessity of goodness for strength. Repression of vanity - do something else with it. That is the way power has set things up. No sorcerer knows where his double is. Erase personal history Making the self and world fluid Self importance and routines Dreaming Seeing Developing the double The world and himself are no longer objects Afterwards can know the two places. While he's acting has no notion. This is only bookkeeping. My body was pulling me to leave. - Curvature of space, non-Euclidian and local geometries. Planck's constant quantum size related to frequency of wave. The speed of light. Axis for revision of earlier concept of space. Mass is energy held; energy is mass traveling. - In the trigram of the Arousing she seeks for the first time the power of the male and receives a son. The child is opposite in sex to the parent who seeks it. going for broke I. dames rocket volume 8: october 1977 - june 1978 work & days: a lifetime journal project